Pain + Anxiety + Depression = A Challenging Life

Anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand. What many people don’t realize is that people aren’t just anxious because they worry too much.

And depressed people aren’t just sad for the sake of being sad.

You don’t control your feelings; the chemicals in your brain control your feelings.

After struggling for 27 years with constant pain after being struck by a Jeep as a pedestrian, along with chemical imbalances for both depression (not caring) and anxiety (caring too much), I am thrilled that Prince William and Harry are making the conversation of both easier to begin.

This week, I had my ‘big time’ consultation with my expert physician who has quite literally saved my life for 27 years—and after tests, and lab work, and blood level scans—he entered the exam room (me in Birthday Suit) and declared, “Without a doubt, you have the most marvelous hair of any man alive! Really, Dr. Goddard, you have beautiful hair..."

That was to help with the pain, depression and anxiety—and you know what?

Kind words are the best healers….

My pain begins when I wake.

Striking, electric-type pain from head to toe.

My leg, broken in 150 places and my ankle pulverized to mush, now has arthritis in ever healed break—I have a prosthetic ankle—one of the few in the United States.

So essentially, my ankle was amputated and replaced in the skin. Technology not available before 3 years ago—and one of nation’s best experts? Three miles from my house. Lord is the Healer.

I’ve witnessed the pain, frustration, and sadness that comes from fighting mental illness. I've officiated funerals for young people who committed suicide -- now becoming one of our nation's leading causes of death.

It’s a terrible combination, feeling like you’re completely helpless and unable to do anything, while simultaneously worrying about needing to do something all the time. They’re contradicting ideals, and they make you want to scream. Or kill yourself.

It's being bullied by thoughts of what everyone thinks of you. It's being bullied by your self--the most heartless form of bullying.

It’s something that they struggle with.

Every.

Day.

If you know someone who struggles with depression or anxiety, here are five things you should avoid saying to them, because they’re tired of hearing them:

“Are you just going to sit around all day? / Being lazy today, huh?”

It’s not that they want to sit around being inactive all day, it’s that literally doing anything is impossible when you’re paralyzed by the incessant worrying of anxiety and the endless weight of depression.

Be encouraging of the things they are able to do and don’t get upset when they don’t share the joy you have for the day.

“You’re not trying”

While you should never force someone to do something they don’t want to do, this advice should be followed tenfold when interacting with the depressed and anxious.

You’ll understand after you try, and it results in a panic attack, mental break, overwhelming tears, or a total shut down of the body.

I call them "my dark days."
I sleep for 32 hours straight and wake exhausted.

“Cheer Up!”

Ah, of course! Why didn’t I think of that? I should just cheer up.

Wrong. Say this to an anxious or depressed person and you’re bound to get punched in the face.

Obviously they would love to cheer up and live a life that is cheery and joyful, instead of the dark, gloomy and sorrowful existence that looms over them.

Or "friends" will post veiled insults about me on Facebook -- stating they THOUGHT I was a good person... I am; I just have a disability.

What you think of me is not any of my business... so keep your opinion to yourself unless the person asks you for it...

Happiness isn’t a choice they make at the start of their day. It’s a war to be waged every second they’re awake.

“You just need to calm down”

Just as ‘cheer up’ incites anger and frustration for the depressed, ‘calm down’ infuriates those who are anxious. Why do people think that saying these things will work, as if they came up with some novel idea as to how to deal with mental illness.

“You’re crazy / too emotional / sensitive / overreacting; You care too much; You are polarizing and self-promoting and people hate you with venom.

Indeed, you’re literally describing the mental worries and conditions that depressed and anxious people feel all the time. They know that they think irrationally. They know all about their craziness.

They know.

I know.

You pointing out the mental illness that they cannot change or get rid of doesn’t help on any level.

The best thing to do? Ask, how are you today? Praise them in public; constructive correct in private.

You can't know how they feel so never say that...

Just say, hey, I'm glad you are in my life and let's keep it that way...