I catch myself ... May 2023

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I catch myself …

Thinking someone who died is alive … I have to remind myself that they died …

Thinking that something I dreamt is for real …

Standing up too fast and remembering how drugs were like … allegedly…

Bending over and getting dizzy … the old timer’s way of getting a buzz on …

Wondering if I took that medicine or not …

I catch myself…

Still dreading Sunday nights … that 60 Minute show with the 60 Second stop watch … thinking of Mondays at school or work … retired 10 years ago and still get that Sunday darkness onset blues…

Dreaming I’ve got a test in a class I never attended and being all stressed trying to find the classroom … and the teacher is always the same mean, angry woman … hag…

I catch myself …

Worrying about my Grade Point Average…

Being thrown back in memory to some mistake I made and feeling like it is gargantuan and actually getting depressed about it … 40 years, 50 years after the fact …

Talking to myself when alone … well, really scolding myself or having play-like arguments with anyone I think did me wrong…

Forgetting my actual age…I always round up…

Being thrown back in time because of a song or a smell … then seeking the song or the smell on tough days …

I catch myself …

Looking in the mirror and wondering how I can look better or younger or thinner … taking a selfie photo and thinking, “Ugh, this is what others see?  How can anyone even like me?  Ugh.”

Looking in my closets at neckties and suits and wondering if I ever will wear anything other than v-neck t-shirts, madras shorts and flip flops again … except, as a friend pointed out this week, except to funerals…

I catch myself.

 

 

 

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