Mind Meandering to a Different Drummer--some funnies for May 4th 2019

Things on and off my mind today.... May 4th 2019; Stars are playing; Kentucky Derby Day; still yelling MAY DAY MAY DAY... which isn't asking for HELP... just that time of year... for about 30 days or so...

--A friend will calm you down when you're angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing "someone's gonna get it!"... we all know that tune...

--The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

--If you can't handle me at my worst....then I completely understand, because I can't either! Very difficult. I could SNAP at any MOMENT! Really I can--with both hands!

--Dear Yellow Light....Oh, You're Challenging ME? Challenge Accepted. Begin light warp SPEED through intersection....

--My right turn signal has been on; blinking for SEVEN months. I am "that guy"....

--So, how long exactly is a "cotton picking minute"? Different than a "New York Minute"... the fastest minute is when you ask a toddler child "What's that in your mouth"... they run like the fastest mammal on Earth.

--For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

--"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow."

--Whoever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to nail

Jell-o to a tree"

--Yeah, that's right! I learned all my dance moves from the paternity tests on Maury!!

--No matter how bad your day seems, just remember someone has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell... after a Saturday night ...

-- I am certain that if fortune telling was real every fortune in every fortune cookie would read "You are about to eat a stale cookie.

--Well, maybe

Maybe that's the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally

Finally at rock bottom

Well, that's when I start looking up

And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

--You're only limited by your own imagination. And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And geography.... but, hey man... go for it... you can be anything....

--Saw an old woman who had a rose bud tatoo as a young girl on her chest but now it looked like a long stem rose now - bad optic...

--There isn't enough make-up in the world to cover-up crazy.

--I just got lost on...wait for it....Lost Creek Road. No Lie.

--When I was a kid... No wait. ..I still do that.

--I hope the word ‘berserk’ appears at least once in my obituary. At my cousin's child's funeral, the word 'onery' was used about eight times.... SUCCESS in LIFE!

--False friends are worse than bitter enemies. Or is it bitter friends worse than false enemies. Either way, stay away from creeps... When in doubt? Throw them OUT!