Meandering Mind ... Thinking of Thoughts ...

 At some point in life, people start referring to you as ‘young’… such as, ‘Betty White was 97 years “young”’ … But, you never hear… ‘Oh, he’s 37 years ‘young’…I guess that’s a given … when I'm 97, it will be okay to call me 97 years OLD ... I mean, I won't beat you up or anything like that ...

But, when does the breaking point come in age … 80 years young? 90 years young seems like a sarcastic insult … like you are complimenting them but actually verbally smashing them in the face with a complimentary shovel…

I’m 64 years old. I cannot believe it … and chose not to believe it …

I’m 64 and this when I went to the dentist, (Endodontics) he asked me what music to play … Oh, he thought I’d say ‘Classic Rock’… even ‘Classic 80’s’ or ‘Disco 70’s’ … but I said “Current hits” … behind me they rolled their eyes … but put on ‘Current hits’… which is really what I listen to … I think of it as investigatory listening …

With the freaking pain killer swab in my mouth and leaking all over my tongue, I started ‘singing’ along to a song … well, which meant ‘rap’ … 64 year olds probably should not rap, but I was feeling 64 years YOUNG with that nitrous oxide on 100% up my nose …

The dental staff never mentioned how impressed they were at my Current Hit knowledge… but I know they were in awe … cause, you know, they were laughing … but not laughing AT me… I’m certain they were laughing AT THEMSELVES … well, I am almost certain of that …

Regardless, it was the worst dental experience I've ever had ... Correction... It was the worst life experience I have had (well except for the cool and groovy music...)

No, when I got run over by a truck years ago, three compound fractures , bones sticking through skin with blood dripping, pulverized ankle ... all a bit painful ...

OK... that experience.... was second place of pain to this dental appointment ... after being beat up for an hour, the dentist said I was misdiagnosed and did not need to be here.

Five days later? I am in pain that I cuss 20 hours a day and sleep the other 4.

... I’ve been rinsing mouth with BC Powders and warm salty water (Who used to do those BC Powder commercials? ‘Take a BC Powder and come back strong’

So much pain and called the dang dentist and he told me to take an Advil and not to call them anymore... do dentists have some kind of permanent file that I can add my 2 cents worth in? After I get my $7,200 bill ...

Changing the subject...On the first day of every job I’ve had (I’ve had three…)… I am always told, “Well, let’s start by showing you the ropes”… but there were never ropes … I didn’t point that out to them since, you know, first day jitters … but there were no ropes shown to me …

There are so many sayings that make my mind wander …or is it mind wonder?

It fit me to a “T” … don’t get it; not going to internet search it either.

That’s not up my alley. I don’t have an alley; therefore nothing essentially is up my alley.

Alleys are dark and stinky and I wouldn’t want anything up my alley other than my garbage which I certainly don’t want since I threw it away… you know … in the alley …

When I look forward, it seems unimaginable … like we are closer to 2052 than we are to 1990 … Looking back seems like a blink of an eye … Looking forward, I can’t even see with my mind’s eye.

Fear knocked on the door. Faith went to answer it. No one was there. (I like that…)

Malicious envy … I’ve not really encountered that except on the receiving end. And by ‘receiving end’ … I mean getting hit in the head by a Bois d’Arc horse apply … thrown at me during halftime … I was drum major … with a bad attitude... lowest depths of Hell is being a drum major with a bad attitude...

This happened more than once and, no, the school administration, school board, teachers, band director… yeah, all them … did nothing … Although I was told it was caused by ‘malicious envy’… Hell, if the Osage Orange throwers were envious of my being drum major, they could have had the whole kit and kaboodle…

And if they could throw so accurately, why weren’t they in the dang football game?

Were they maliciously envious that I was a dang drum major with a three foot high faux fur white hat that was 40 years old ... yeah, that's really a position of which envy is created ... Not my best moment ...

I wish I could monetize getting hit in the head with a hard horse apple as big as a dodge ball… And those complicit and implicit school leaders … I can name names … even though it was 46 years ago … I suppose it still bothers me … maybe this year I’ll get over it … or maybe I have to wait until I’m 97 years young !

And more …

When someone tells me to ‘keep an eye out’, my mind’s eye immediately goes to the grossest story about digging an eyeball out with a spoon.

And My Granny Goddard who scared the be-Jesus out of us said that she had cataract surgery… they took out her eyeball and it was on a spoon … still connected you know all ocular and optically … so she could SEE from the spoon. Look around the room with her eyeball in a SPOON ... I still have nightmares of this one ...

Cataract surgery must have come a long way. I don’t hear much about eyeballs in the spoons anymore.

“Don’t monkey with that” (Heard that a lot whenever I got near anything)

“Don’t make a monkey out of me” “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle” “It’s not real business, it’s monkey business” … “A barrel full of monkeys”… (t his was supposed to be fun… but it doesn’t say that the monkeys were alive … or if the monkeys had rabies … A barrel of dead, rabid monkeys would sure take the fun out of anyone’s day.

OK… I’ve been saying this wrong since I don’t know when … “Well, if that’s what he thinks, then he’s got another THINK coming”… I’ve always said he had another THING coming and not sure what is correct….

It makes sense if his thinking is off base, then he might have a different ‘think’ coming at him. I guess another THING coming would be a punch in the eye ball … the kind in the eye socket, not the spoon.

I’ll just leave this rambling essay in an ‘open ended’ sort of way …open to suggestions … open-minded (rare) …open hours … Open Sesame! … or Open SEZ-a-ME … an open and shut case … open door policy … open casket (worst invention ever) … open heart surgery … open house… dentist says open wide … open toed shoes … here, open this pickle jar … never open Pandora’s Box … Open range … Open this side up ... That’s all the open’s I got tonight.

I guess it’s Bedtime for Bonzo the Monkey. You have to be Old Old to understand that bit of humor attempt …

More later … it’s a warning … Sorry this is so long ... Brevity is completely over-rated at this point in my life ... might not have another chance to clear my conscious ..

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20DeDe Lovett, Deann Springer and 18 others