The Night Before a Root Canal

‘Twas the night before a scheduled root canal, to correct an idiotic dentist’s nightmare mistake of last year,

And not a creature was stirring, since I have to be at the oral surgeon’s office at 8:45 a.m., which is WAY before my June wake up time….

With me, and my theory that your age is the same percentage of time you spend waiting for your pills to kick in....so since I am 57, then 57 percent of my day is spent waiting for a pill to kick in.

I'm all tucked in, not binging on old TV series', and waiting for the Ambien to do its stuff.  I want to be asleep before it is dark outside.

And the cat with her mosquito-bitten ears snuggling me, grossing me out, and then surprise attacking and biting me…she must be able to read minds—grossed-out scabby eared-privileged rescue cat….I swear I'll change her name from BeBe to Zika...but that might be the Ambien talking....

Visions of my titanium-enriched ankle and the infection preventing antibiotics dance in my head.  Some say to take it; others say not; when in doubt, I go for the meds every time!  

And all I truly want for Christmas is a mouth full of dazzling white teeth, like advertised on old timey television networks….

Oh, Dentist, Oh Dentist Assistant, you are so nice; 

Oh, Dentist Office Mean Girl, The Fill-In-This Paperwork Robot, who talks to humans like they we gerbils—you are more naughty than nice!  I shall wear my commencement regalia to tomorrow's torture session--I need a pain shot just to deal with your hate-filled smiley make-up cracking Cruella face...

And as I drift off to sweet dreams knowing that sweets got me in this dental mess with Hot Tamale candies long ago, the only thing I have to look forward to tomorrow…..

Laughing GAS...Oh, Bring it on, I hear myself exclaim...

On, Nitrous, On Oxide, On Tylenol 3!  

Let’s Smile like we mean it! 

I can’t wait for the 100% gas level!

I’m truly a dentist’s worst patient with excessive salivation, easily gag reflex, low tolerance for pain, and sometimes….yeah, I bite….Just don't ask me for detailed conversations with your hand in my mouth.

Merry Tuesday to All and to All a damned-good floss.

Author?  Man who cannot suffer in silence.