October Surprise ... Essay for October 2022

 I guess you can just go ahead and haul me to the Old Folks Home …

Yesterday I used the following phrases: ‘ponder’, ‘vim and vigor’, ‘smithereens’, ‘skedaddle’, ‘willy nilly’ and ‘the life of Riley’.

Old phrases sort of tell our age … something to ponder …

I wonder if they still make it… never sure who ‘they’ are, but I seem to rely on what ‘they’ say … wonder if they still make little shrimp cocktails?

Years ago, whenever we had a fancy family dinner … there were these little jars of shrimp cocktail … which was probably 95% ketchup … the shrimp were tiny … and suspiciously looked like bait in a bait shop I saw once.

The little jars became glass glasses … juice glasses (instead of plastic glasses) … but after having a lot of fancy family dinners, we were flooded with juice glass glasses … we had special little forks which I always called ‘shrimp cocktail forks’ … later I learned that they could be called ‘fish forks’ which is too hard to say … Oneida Michelangelo patterned fish forks …

Whenever we would have fish, Mom and Dad always said the same thing, sometimes at the same time: Now, boys, there isn’t supposed to be any bones in this fried fish but be very careful.

And, to help reinforce their parenting skills, I tried my best to find a fish bone … dying by choking on a fish bone was one of my childhood beliefs that the risk would follow me all my live-long days.

Even now, whenever I serve fish … I begin with the same directions, “There isn’t supposed to be bones in this fish but be very careful.”

And, why ‘very’ careful…. Isn’t ‘being careful’ sort of a catch all for ‘very’ and ‘extremely’… can’t be careful in a lazy or lackadaisical manner …

Mom Goddard used the term ‘a service station’ the other day and I secretly wrote it down … I like that term … ‘service station’ … but now more like ‘gas pump’ … ‘pay at the pump’… if someone came out and asked me if they should look under the hood, I’ll probably dial 911 and throw a fish WITH bones at the intruder …

My Aunt Verna Mae uses the best expression … “Oh, that’s the day I go to the beauty operator” … I love that … ‘beauty operator’ …

There are few barbers and I cannot bring myself to say ‘hair stylist’… creepy … sounds like a job for the undertaker … to style the hair before shutting the coffin …

I like beauty operators …

There was a commercial years ago about hair coloring and the catch phrase was, “Only her hairdresser knows for sure” … haven’t heard that term in a long while… hairdresser.

Mom Goddard says her least favorite saying is about marriage, “they tied the knot” … why can’t they just say they got married?

Why bring up a knot … Is that in rope?

It does sound peculiar when you think about it …

The only knots I remember from Boy Scouts was a double knot (name kind of gives it away) and oddly… a hangman’s knot! What good is that? Except for the Knot Tying Scout Badge, I got … they didn’t teach us anything about tying the knot at a wedding …

Phrases I like but don’t always understand:

--He’s getting too big for his britches (is that literally or figurately or both?)

--Lock, Stock and Barrel… meaning the whole kit-n-kaboodle.

--I don’t ‘hanker’ for any dinner (and by ‘dinner’, I mean lunch)

--Is it gulley washer or gullet washer? A gullet washer would be a martini … a gulley washer means a heavy rain… I like gullet washing ..

--Oh, he can dish it, but can he take it?

--You can say that again … Why? I mean I just said it …

Here is the phrase I wish I could say sometime … a tough guy phrase … like “When’s the last time you had eyes on him? He’s jammed up enough; no need for me to collar him for punching my lights out…”

So, maybe I can say that phrase and sound all young and tough … might keep me out of the Old Folks Home for another day or two …

42DeDe Lovett, Todd Boatwright and 40 others

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