Go West Young Man---NOT East... Especially NOT Eastern Turkey... just kidding... read this and decide...
O.K. It*s one of those Arabic typewriters again but here’s the report from Turkey
Here’s the thing Turkish Airlines have created the worlds hardest surface for their seats on their airliners Honestly at as revolutionary how hard these seats are I admittedly have no natural cushion so after an 11 hour flight which was delayed for two hours on the runway at O’Hare wafting for available runway space my bottom hurts
Missed my connecting flight from Istanbul to Ankara and had to try to book a later flight Everyone on the tour group got on this particular flight and they wearing boarding The ticket agent sad he could not book my ticket until I clamed my two pets an customs I told him I didn’t have two pets an Customs and he sad that Yes you do and ıt ıs an my computer
He kept delayıng me and I told him I had one pet Edna the Siamese and she doesn’t travel well and could he please give me a ticket He was insistent and sad maybe I was trying to desert my two pets an customs I was about ready to go and clam whatever darn pets they wanted me toö but then I told him I had to go to the bathroom and he asked if ıt was an urgency
I told him yesö gathered my paperwork and passport and snuck around the corner to book my flight with an attractive Turkish girl
What kind of pets are abandoned an Istanbul and ıs ıt turkey trickery to get someone to clam them?
Got to Ankara visited the Old Town Market Capital of Turkey 4 million
There was a demonstration for the rights of those women who wear scarves around their heads Apparently if a girl wants to wear a scarf she cannot go to college or work an public so they demonstrated (many girls who wear scarves go to America to college)ç It didn’t seem like the demonstration was doing much good except they did tie up traffic and were on the nightly news
Later I saw a Wedding Car The groom and bride were leaving the ceremony and their car was all decorated with paper streamers and flowers In Turkey there ıs a custom that you can stop a wedding car like that and demand money and the groom who doesn’t want to delay the honeymoon wall give the person money to let has car continue Well I saw a lot of young Turks throwing themselves on this car and the groom just sped up and they were slung to the gutter
Saw cliff cites today and wall see underground cites tomorrow one extreme to the other
Here ıs a composite of the fellow travelers
Tardy Belle ıs always late and was cussed by our Kurdish driver and trust me you don’t want to be cursed by a Kurd
Smiley Fact Checker ıs the guy who nods continuously during the tour guides lectures as if saying Yes Yes that ıs correct you may continue
Zany Sitcom Next Door Neighbor ıs the lady who pops her checking gum and cracks one liner wacky jokes like she would take Gingko tablets if she could remember to
Debby Downer the lady with negative news to report Food Bad Toilet Paper Rough Hot Cold you name if it is negative, she is giving the report.
GG for Greatest Generatıon Representative WW II vet best ticket ıs to sat by him at Breakfast and get great stores He was an charge of Campus Security at Duke for many years and has campus malfeasance and campus hıjınks stores
Orange Crush and Baby Crushette ıs a mother and her 8 year old daughter who only wear orange and only buy orange souvenirs
Happy Birthday Mom
More later We are an a remote area of turkey close to Syria I don’t think we wall cross border just get close enough to throw rocks and see if that gets me into trouble
have seen hunting tools that were dated 10,000 bc and cave art which ıs dated 7500 bc, Yesterday I visited a home that was 900 years old and spoke with the man whose family has owned this home for centuries.
We are in the Cappadochıa region of Turkey. The geological formations are incredible...almost unworldly. Conical shaped rock formations that the people have carved out for their homes.
We will visit an underground city today which housed over 20,000 Christians who were hiding from ...not sure about this...maybe the Romans? The city goes downwards 20 stories
I toured some Caravansaries yesterday which were old hotels on the Silk Road from Italy to China...about 700 years old or more...stables for their camels and rugged rooms for the guests...across the street was a toilet which was cleaned about 700 years ago
I had my fortune told by a coffee reader. I drank the Turkish coffee which tastes like worm dirt an a bait shop...the sludge that ıs left over an the cup ıs then turned over and the reader reads the markings left by the heavy coffee an the cup. My reader sad he saw two goats facing each other goat head to goat head and they both had question marks over them and he sad a rich and powerful woman would help me soon. I am looking for goats and rich women
Last night I was able to see for the first time a whirling dervish ceremony. The religious sect that get closer to God by whirling. It was a caravansary--the old hotels for the camel caravans--this one was built in 1249. Big huge stone structure with domes and courtyards on a hill
The dervishes hold one hand upward to symbolize receiving Gods love and the other hand downward to symbolize spreading Gods love to the world
Amazing that they whirled for about an hour and didn’t fall over or get sick.
I ventured out alone one night to go to a movies Saw Kingdom of Heaven and was worried about the subject matter once the movie started--its about the Crusades--Christians against the Muslims İ was obviously the only Christian an the packed theatre of Muslims and to make myself even more obvious İ wore a Sigma Chi t-shirt with a huge white cross and Norman Shield logo which were prominent in the movies İ kept slinking further down in my seat but everyone was really nice to me, maybe overly polite--they sensed my fear
İ think İ found the other İ on the keyboard--the other key makes boxes but has an undotted İ on ıt--two I s. one undotted
Toured great cities underground and carved into the cliffs with old frescoes which are defaced--all the artworks eyes are scratched out
What is it about the eyes and İs over here?
More laterThe other night in Antioch, İ walked around the ancient city after dinner and a young man probably about 20 approached me. Of course, you naturally get suspicious immediately and grab hold of your wallet when approached. But he asked if he could pleeze speak to me. He said he had taken an English class and rarely got a chance to practice since so few Americans visit his city.
He spoke in choppy English sort of like those old Saturday Night Live sketches about wild and crazy guys.
He had the word 'face' mixed up with the word 'behind' because he pointed at my face and said 'Your behind looks like Tom Cruise'. İ told him I get that a lot.
He said he should not tell me this but that he was Kurdish. He asked if he could still talk to me. İ have become a sympathizer with the Kurds, the nomadic tribe--the largest ethnic group in the world without a country. They have faced genocide in Iraq--many of the mass graves that Saddam's regime created held 300,000 Kurds. The Kurds İ have met are kind and friendly but İ guess every society has to have some group to look down upon and in this region; the Kurds have it aimed at them.
He said he loved the Britney Spears and liked to download the Britney Spears from the Computer and put the Britney Spears on his walls at home. İ told him İ understood she had married and was expecting a baby. He said his heart it was down the broke and urgency medical needed.
He said he wore the American jeans and showed me his obviously not American jeans but İ told him yes the American Jeans is the best.
He asked if İ knew the word 'assimilation' and İ remembered from my graduate sociology class that it is when you leave your culture and try to fit in with another.
He said he was trying the assimilation and would never speak Kurdish again. He said his dream was to have a job all day and then to go home to read good books. He said he wants to go to America to study at the University there.
I asked which University he knew about and he said 'The Oxford.'
Anyway, we spoke of different things and he told me how hard it was to get an education or a job since he was Kurdish so he thought the assimilation would be goodç I did not ask of his family because İ did not want to be awake all night with a heart-breaking story.
He asked finally What is Your Name and İ told him and he said I'm trying to think of what to say and then smiled and yelled 'Good to meet you' and ran off down the sidewalk
more later
İm in Sanliurfa which is on the Syrian and İraqi border. İ look like Lawrence of Arabia with the headdress to ward off this incredible heat. İt is their national holiday like our July 4th--so all the tourists come up and want to have their picture taken with me and my Larry of Arabia look.
Last night went to Mtç Nemrut, which is a mountain about half the size of Everest, and a king who thought he was God named Nemrut built a shrine to himself--huge statues of him shaking hands with Hercules and Zeus. Everyone made fun of him and that’s where we got the term 'Nimrod'. İ don't think İve used that term but its good to know its there if İ ever need it. Anywayö it was a 45 degree incline to climb about 3 kilometers and at that altitude İ was out of breath and almost out of religion.
Watched the sunset with a multitude of Turks....gorgeous colors of purple and orange on this magnificent mountain top shadowing the colossal statues of Zeus shaking hands with a Nimrod....Everyone applauded when the sun went down and İ did a high five to my God
Other notesŞ
I see storks flying overhead...they are huge creatures and doesn’t that mean someone is pregnantççç They nest in the power lines and their nest are as big as a lake cabin...
The big holiday is their republics anniversary May 19, 1919--lots of 19s--so İve seen marching bands, school children with the Turkish flags and today went to the Birthplace of Abraham--another cave--on a Friday the big Muslim worship day İ fit right in with my Arabian headdress. This is the equivalent to our Orlando without the rides or Mickey
Ate a steaming lunch of goat brain served in the goat head itself. Something to do once and only once in a lifetime. At was like an episode of Fear Factor without the prize money
Not sure of plans tomorrow but İ bet there is a cave involved somehow
More later--İts cheap to do Internet hereçççabout 35 cents an hour so that is the reason of the overloads
İ find the I key about 65% of the time now
The name sounds great. Mesopotamian--Meaning the Plain between two rivers. the Euphrates and the Tigris. But this is the worst place on Earth and that includes Waco. Texas.
The people have money and shiny new cars in their driveways but they don't take care of their children--only teaching them to beg from tourists. Parents do not want their children educated because then the child would know more and eventually want more out of life.
My automatic gag reflex is constant due to the smells. The beehive shaped mud houses that are Biblical--İ remember coloring them in Vacation Bible School--are used for goat and chicken houses. Awful place.
Update on the fellow travelers; (everyone is actually very nice and we all get along but since I gave you my first impression judgments. the damage is already done...)
Tardy Belle continues to be late on a regular basis--she would be on time if the whole universe would set clocks back ten minutes. İf she is on time. at the last minute she jumps up and runs somewhere as if the most important task is somewhere elseç
Zany sitcom neighbor says she will buy a Turkish carpet when she finds one that flies.
Smiley fact checker continues to verify information as it is given but not so much in the afternoons since I guess his neck gets sore
Greatest Generation really fought in Korea not WWİİ but he has the best stories and İ go to breakfast at 6 am to sit with him tell stories after infrastructure projects in the North Sea and how Harry Truman made us go to Vietnam--he helped Korea and set a precedent to make us help Vietnam--try to stay away from this topic--the man gets beside himself
Orange Crush and Baby crushette have worn the same clothes for 8 days straight So rank
İ mean this--they brought apparently one set of clothes--She is Turkish but lives in Huntsville TXç
Downer Debby says this trip isn’t as good as when she went to Greece in 1989.
İ sit in the back of the bus and eat walnuts or sleep. Have rose jelly for breakfast and molasses made from grapes--I smuggled Pop Tarts and instant oatmeal into the country too
more later. I am now in a town called Diyarbikar just north of the İraqi border and am staying in a converted Caravansary at was built in the 1200s as a rest stop for the camel caravans--built of large limestones raided from ancient tombs There is a great courtyard for meals around a fountain and the rooms are low ceilings scented with sandalwood
İm in a primitive internet cafe down the block and the teenagers here are intriqued with my fair skin and hair They are kind and keep bringing me hot tea--its about 110 degrees but the hot tea keeps coming... İ would rather have a Dairy Queen Dr. Pepper
Went to a Turkish Bath last night and the Kese (a blinding form of loofau treatment) so İm rare to the bone but at least clean. The attendant was the hairiest beast İve seen and he offered me some treatment like a Nair product to remove underarm hair but İ thought he should do the treatment on his back instead
İn this city it is surrounded by a great wall--second in the world after the China one and İ climbed it today to get a good look at the Tigris and the valley below--It looks like a green Backgammon table--lettuce fields. tomatoes wheat--what a difference water can make to this desert
Today was my Bad Luck Day--First one of my bags got left at the hotel and they wanted me to pay a cab driver to deliver it about 30 miles to us--it was not my fault since İ checked my bag with our driver so İ stood my ground and refused to payç They turned the bus around and we backtracked and retrieved itch
This afternoon at the hotel my bags were left on the bus--İm sure that’s part of my punishment from the driver--no tip for him from me
Then the room at the Caravansary has no AC and with temps over 100 degrees İ had to ask for another room at the Camel Inn--The front desk jabbered something at me and İ think it was to walk around town and when İ come back they will have a new room for me I sure hope that is what they said İ know that they pointed at the street and it may have been an indication for me to hit the road We'll see when İm finished here
All the kids are standing behind me as İ type this and smile and say Hallo! over and over İ asked one kid what other English he knew and he said 'Hallo Sexy Lady!) İ think his older brother taught him that once
Crossed a bridge today on foot that was built in 50 a.d. and was used even for vehicular traffic until 1992--the base stones were stolen from King Nimrod's tomb.
Many more stories to tell İm still looking for Noah’s Ark
During almost his entire life İ always thought that my Dad and İ were polar opposites--but in the years before his death and now almost three years since his death İ am finding that we were very much alike
Some of the most important lessons İ learned from Dad were ones while traveling. Such as:
1. Always steal the toilet paper when checking out of a hotel. This used to embarrass me when Dad would do this--here was a man who paid cash almost every year for a new Cadillac but would steal toilet paper from the hotels. Here in Eastern Turkey, toilet paper is probably worth more than the Turkish lira so I've been storing whatever is left over in my luggage upon checkout. Believe you me, this has been a godsend on this trip.
2. Beggars and Japanese tourists are just like fire ants--they can crawl all over you before you know it.
3. Dad's classic tourist comment was at the end of a long day in Rome, when he said "İ can't understand these people, my feet are swollen and my butt hurts--that is about the way İ feel right now.
4. Dad had a way of thumping watermelons with his thumb and listening, İ suppose, for a hollow sound--as the watermelon ripens, it must pull apart in the center and sound hollow when you thump it. İ could never tell the difference although he tried to teach me several times...a thump is a thump ıs a thump as far as İ was concerned. He also used to thump my red head the same way in Church when İ 'acted up' but then I digress...
So, I’m in the farmer's market in Diyarbuki and İ find myself thumping watermelons in this wooden cart and then the young man who owned the cart comes up and he's thumping watermelons with me but he actually knows what he's doing. This area is known for its bowling ball size watermelons with the overly juicy taste.
5. When traveling, never pass up a bathroom since ıt is all a new place to you and you never know when you'll have another chance...kind of applies to most things in life--opportunities and toilets have so much in common.
6. Dad was so irratated by the lack of ice in drinks in other countries--they say they think it is unhealthy but İ feel that they are just lazy....anyway I am so echoing Dad right now.
7. Dad had a theory when traveling to go and see everything you could when you went to a place--I always thought he just didn't want to be bothered by going there again. But I'm the same way on this trip--can't sit still until I think I've gotten all I can out of a place.
8. Dad noticed Birds and People's Yards more than he did all the cathedrals or historical places. İ remember seeing him in Venice feeding pigeons while the tour passed him by and went into a Cathedral
Anyway, İ miss Dad. I've traveled halfway around the world to find that he is still with me no matter where I go in so many ways.
Orange Crush and Baby Crushette are having the worst luck in their same clothes--now on day 12. Baby Crushette is 8 years old and she got ill and messed herself in her jeans on the back of the bus--yes she was in my seat when it happened. Mama Orange rinsed the jeans out in the toilet sink and put the damn things back on the child.
Later the same day, we were having dinner in a courtyard under a mulberry tree and a bird pooped all over Orange Crush's Orange shirt---Again. rinse and wear it again. They really smell gamely and I’ll show you photos of her Orange Nike shoes.
Went to a Turkish wedding reception as the guest of the groom's sister who spoke about 22 words of English. They send what looks like funeral sprays to weddings with good wishes on the ribbon banner. The groom seemed happy in his reception by the hotel pool--300 guests. great food and a band--but the much younger bride looked like her life was over rather than just beginning. I'll never forget her sad look of total despair on her wedding day.
For want of something to watch on TV here. I've become interested in soccer games--futbol--and the Super Bowl or whatever the hell they call it was played the other night between Galatasaray and Fennerbach and İ wanted Fennerbach to win because İ just happened to pack one of their futbol jerseys with on this trip. So Fennerbach won and I got noticed the next day--but İ was in a Galatasary Team Town so the notice was usually them yelling at me and showing me their fınger dexterity from a distance.
Just for your information. the international word for 'air conditioner' as in 'İ need you to fix my air condititıoner in this God forsaken hotel' is cumulous--you knowş like the clouds.
In a couple of days time İ have gone from a dry desert, wearing Arab headdress for protection from the elements to a mountain range as impressive as the American Rockies with an overnight at a lakeside resort surrounded by snowcapped peaks.
İ am at the base of Mt. Ararat in fact İ am looking at it from the internet cafe window İ never imagined it to be as massive, covered with ice and snow and so tall that the clouds block the view of the crest.
İ am only about 4 kilometers from the ran border and went to the border check and asked if they would stamp my passport and the soldiers told me that İ have to fly into Iraq to get a pass. they said the government supports the airlines
Traveled about 6 hours drive on an under construction gravel road and never saw anyone actually constructing.
Went through an area that had a volcanic eruption one million years ago and the lava rock spreads for miles and miles making the land totally unusable. at is desolate and spooky--green lichens have formed so you see this green mass of land that looks like a giant plowed his fields.
İn this area military checkpoints are common and all along the Iraqi border--the soldiers board with their machine guns and tell us they know America has a president named George bush and that turkey and America are close friends...thank you Jesus.
Visited a palace from the 1700s on top of a neighboring mountain of Ararat and the architecture. dungeon and harem rooms were interesting.
Stayed at a resort at Lake Van (pronounced One) and the town is known for the cats there. White shorthaired--the males have a left blue eye and a right gold eye--the females have a left gold eye and a right blue eye--think İ got that right.
İ find myself drifting from the travel guides lectures and trying to feed stray cats or seeing what bush is blooming or what is planted in a backyard garden or what needs rain or watching a swallow feed a nest of her babies. İ am becoming my Dad
Mehmet is a popular name here an fact İ have not met any male NOT named Mehmet--its a form of Mohammed I think--One Mehmet said his nickname was John. Go figure.
Some excursions are fruitless in that the tour guide takes me to see a site of something famous that is no longer there. İ am tired of going to see things that aren't there. İ am also tired of being tired. This is by far the most exhausting experience of my life--sort of like travelers boot camp.
knew it would happen this way. The battle lines have been drawn between Orange Crush and Everyone Else. İ was not the instigator on this one just the reporter.
Greatest Generation told me that if Orange Crush tells the story of her husband's adult circumcision he will vomit and he means it, he will absolutely vomit.
Smiley Fact Checker said that he is fed up with Orange Crush telling him that she is Half Turk. He said 'I get it and İ got it the first of the 800 times she has said it.'
Orange Crush goes to sleep on the bus and so that leaves the care taking of the 8 year old to the rest of us. İ already told you that she pooped her pants on my watch. The kid is 8 years old and is reading the newest to date Harry Potter book, which is about 970 pages. That alone creeps me out but her mother is reading the same book...only in Turkish...she's Half Turk...doncha knowççç
Tardy Belle said she is sick of Orange Crush talking to her husband Nİck (who is 275 pound Greek PhD Stanford teaches at Sam Houston) on the cell phone. The lady is so manic that sometimes she is like 'Oh sweetie lover honey babycakes' and then the conversation becomes 'What do you mean you paid 90 euro for that you %%/%Öç765** (İ can't even find cuss symbols on this damn keyboard) Honestly the most vulgar hateful smear words come out of her mouth into that cell phone on the bus, at dinner, in the Turkish bathroom stalls. Good report from Tardy Belle on the potty phone call.
Zany Sitcom neighbor said that Orange Crush told her she had lived in Huntsville for 15 years and did not have one person she could call a friend. Zany Sitcom Neighbor said maybe if she changed her clothes once in awhile that would change.
The kid has this pathetic magic trick with a rubber band and if the imp tries to corner me again with that waste of my life then İ swear she's going out the speeding bus and there is not one person on this trip who would testify against me.
Other funny thingsŞ
Every male in turkey serves in the military for 6 months as an enlisted and 12 months as an officer (they must have a short learning curve)ç The best looking and tallest men get selected for premier service like guarding the former dictator Ataturks grave...the chamber of commerce assignments... İ asked our guide Kansav what his assignment was and he said 'No Premier' assignment for him. He was part of a brigade in İstanbul who were charged with locating and detonating land mines...He said he was 'spendable.'
Don't eat mayo here. Without going into details, let’s just say that İ no longer have a stash of toilet paper.
İ gave our tour guide, Kansav, an Atomic Fireball cinnamon jawbreaker. İ told him it was cherry flavored. He said he liked the cherry.
İ went to the back of the bus.
Two minutes went by.
İ have never heard a grown man shriek but that's the only way to describe it. Kansav was shrieking. 'LAREEEE What have you done to me? Why MEEEEE LAREEEE??? Iz diz a JOKE to MEEEE'
His mouth was on fire.
Later he approached me and asked if that was a joke or did people really eat that? İ told him İ could ask him the same thing about all these Turkish Slop Buffets that he calls breakfast. Are they a joke or do people really eat this?
He said he would give one to his wife and tell her it was cherry. She like the cherry, too.
The Turkish language does not have a word like our 'the' so when a Turk (or anyone from this region of the world) learns English they discover the word 'the' and seem to like it. They put the 'the' in front of the everything.
Orange Crush keeps telling us that if a bird poops on your right shoulder, it is good luck in Turkey. Listen, İ am certain that getting crapped on is pretty much the international situation of bad luck.
Her cell phone rang at dinner tonight and it was a honey lover sweetness conversation. She is great as an interpreter at the drug store when Pepto Bismol is needed.
We climb Mt. Ararat tomorrow or at least as much as is allowed. The word ARARAT is Turkish for 'Pain' since it, they say, is the hardest mountain to climb. İ asked about Everest and am told by Turks that you can easily walk to the top of Everest, but not Ararat. Turks.
There really is an Apartied situation brewing here with the Kurds and the Turks--may be the reason the Turks are not fully approved for the EU.
We all discussed what meal we would have when we first get back home. Many wanted Papa John's pizza, some wanted a steak, others a hamburger--İ want bacon, crispy bacon.
Here is the name of the town İ am now in:
DoguBeyazit
Would you call it Dog Biscuit? Dog Big Zit?
Regards from the Name Which Cannot Be Pronounced
İ am now in Kars, which is Turkish for 'cold' and it is very cold and wet with large hail. İ opted out of an excursion to study the ruins of Ani, which was the capital of Armenia at one time and is now in Turkey. İnstead İ ate a cheeseburger (goat meat maybe/hope it wasn't dog) along with chips (fries) and Pepsi--Ordering my lunch was like speaking a long remembered foreign language.
at is a universal travel truth that if you don't go on an excursion, then someone obnoxious will come back from the day trip and tell you how marvelous it was.
Orange Crush went on and on about how much İ missed and everyone else said it was 3 hours in the mud, hail, and even dodging lightning bolts--not my idea of a marvelous afternoon.
Orange Crush yelled at me today. The tour guide was wanting to take me to a 'surprise' and İ kind of think it was a booby-dance girly bar-but Orange Crush blocked the deal by following and she yelled at us for trying to lose her. Did İ mention she doesn't bathe and will do that when she gets home. I have declared a silent war now. Yelling at me is not allowed.
We leave tomorrow at 5 a.m. for Ezurum and will see what is there and then on to İstanbul and these folks will probably not see me until we get to NYC. İ hope to see Star Wars, ride the trolley to the Spice Bazaar and do another Turkish Bath.
Many of the fellow travelers have Mohammed's revenge.
Mt. Ararat has no development and İ am looking for investors for a ski lodge there. There is no souvenir shops or Starbucks--only goats and goat people.
The town we stayed in at the Iranian border is known as a smuggler location and İ assumed they meant drugs. But İ saw a man with a box of obviously stolen Nikes and kids were trying on the shoes in the street and handing him Turkish lira.
Bought a Lance Armstrong yellow bracelet with Live Long in Turkish.
Some of the sites İ visited only have about 500 visitors a year. Istanbul has 1 million a day.
'Su' means water in Turkish and for a large Su you order the brand name 'FatSu'.
Thank you in Turkish sounds like saying 'tea sugar'.
The only American news we have is that Carrie won the American İdol. İs Michael Jackson locked up yet?
The only word that İ have found in Turkish that sounds, means and is somewhat spelled similarly to the English version ıs the word 'Ironık'. at is, isn't it?
Completed the tour of the Eastern and Southern part of Turkey yesterday. Traveled from the ski region full of great mountain ranges and lots of ice and snow to the Northern part of Turkey near the Black Sea. This area is more like East Texas, with tall pines and green hills and great streams with stone covered bottoms. All İ needed to feel like home was that produce sign outside of Lindale, Texas, that advertises 'Walamelons' for sale.
Got access to a monastery on a remote mountain housed in an 800 year old compound. at is a form of Christianity but has no formal name. The students are young monks who speak Aramıc--the language spoken by Jesus and used in Mel Gibson's 'The Passion'. Had them read me some Scripture and it really sounds like chicken clucks--kind of Old McDonald Had a Farm style.
Toured another school in Ezurum (a larger city in Northeastern Turkey) that was 1000 years old and the architecture has hidden faces throughout--scary goblins in the mortar work and columns. The tour guide called them 'DaVinci Codes' and İ laughed.
İ was the only one. No one in the group had ever heard of 'The DaVinci Code'. What kind of parallel universe do all these PhD's come from?
Flew from a military base in Ezurum (no photos pleeeeze) to İstanbul. Coming into this city of 20 million is like starting a new trip. Tremendous energy is found somewhere deep and the fatigue vanishes. David Cabe, who traveled with me in March and is the most apt describer of all things, sad that traveling in the rural areas of Turkey and then heading for İstanbul, is like touring the Amish Country and then going to Manhattan. So funny since Kansav, our great tour guide who doesn't like Atomic Fireball jawbreakers, told me on the flight 'We just left Pennsylvania Dutch and going to Times Square.'
Ate at the fish market that Cabe and İ grew to love in March--Jumbo shrimp big as a fist fried with no batter heads and all for about a minute and served with hot garlic sauce along with a plate of chips and fried calamari fresh from the Marmarus Sea washed down with two cold as ice Efes Turkish beers. İ believe this is served to the Angels in Heaven.
Saw the opening of Star Wars 3 in İstanbul last night. Again İ was the only English speaking person in the crowd and the movie is subtitled in Turkish. İgnore the language and the crowd could have been any American mall movie group on a given Friday night.
Teenagers on first dates--İ met a set of twin boys who were on the first dates with two high school girls and they giggled nervously. Several single dads with their sons on weekend visit outings. And a huge contingent of folks we would call 'nerds' back home--dressed in badly fitting unfashionable clothes, thick glasses and ,yes, pocket protectors with calculators.
İ've been to Starbucks this morning--it's near the McDonalds right past the 711 and the Pizza Hut. İ have to quit now before İ get emotional.
The Greatest Generation emeritus faculty member from Duke has been my favorite traveler. He said he wanted me to show him what these internet cafes were all about. What do you eat there, he wanted to know. İ told him they are just cubicles with computers hooked up to the internet--not places to munch food.
He asked if he made a list of his stock investments could İ help him see how they were doing. İ told to meet me in the lobby at 850 pm. İ got there a little early and he came about 845 pm and apologize for his lateness.
We walked in the rain in Kars to a seedy little joint on the 3rd floor of what appeared to be a speakeasy from the 1930s America. He was so lost and frightened it just about broke my heart. İ told him this was all easy and there was no way to make a mistake. He wanted me to sit next to him.
The keyboard made him sigh big and hard and İ explained all the trouble İ had with the İ key and all the other Turkish Delights and we got them all figured out. He made notes of his stock prices and was glad the market was up back home. İ tried to get him to print the report out but he acted as if that would be too much trouble so he made notes with a pencil he'd brought with him.
İ paid the 37 cents and he acted as if that was the most magnanimous gesture on my part and reported back to the group what a whiz kid I was on the computer.
We had been told that we were not to leave the hotel after dark due to the rough town we were in but from my balcony İ saw this dapper dresser with the military posture leave the hotel and cross the street to a hipomarkit (convenience store).
He came back to the hotel with an Efes beer and later with all the group watching, he presented the beer with a speech about me being a rare find--he said İ was intellectual punctuated with unabashed humor (his words). He said he had noticed on several occasions me enjoying this beverage (sounds like İm now a drunkard) and presented his 37-cent beer to me like it was a 100-year-old bottle of the worlds best champagne. Now that was a magnanimous gesture.
Zany Sitcom Neighbor fell on the rain-slicked sidewalk and it was like watching a silent movie. She did the drop and roll technique and she kept rolling with her feet straight up in the air every 180 degrees. Greatest Generation and Tardy Belle were chasing after her trying to put their feet on her coat to stop the movement. She got up and said all that hurt was her Pride. Why is it when someone falls, they don't check for physical damage, but check to see who saw them. You are at your worst when falling and no one wants anyone to see that.
Orange Crush is now the Alien. She asked Smiley Fact Checker if he was circumcızed (this woman is obsessed). İ exerted so much energy to stifle my laughter that İ honestly thought İ would be one of those rare instances you read about in National Enquirer about someone who spontaneously combusts and goes up in a blaze of fire.
İ looked at Greatest Generation and he had thrown up a little in his mouth he said.
İ sat with Kansav (think Can O'Salve) on the flight to İstanbul and learned more in those two hours that the entire 18 day trip. He told me that he was constantly telling Orange Crush to watch her kid--many kids are kidnapped and sold and well who knows what after that--but she ignored the kid. There was a time on the ferry that he thought the kid was going overboard but the mother didn't seem to care.
İ told him she has been saying he was a member of the Russian mafia and had lots of girlfriends and he laughed so hard. His favorite TV show is a Turkish version of the Sopranos and he had made some phone calls that day to tell his friends about the season finale--drug smuggling and beautiful women. She ease dropped on the calls and the grapevine began to grow.
Anyway; I've made a promise to myself to never step into another mosque--seen one seen 'em all--but İve seen about 1000 so my quota is maxed out.
Will not see, do, or think anything historical today. Deserve a break on the mental flossing.
Oh, İ may have already mentioned this, but İ wanted to find out about all this scarf wearing by the women here. Seems that they must hide their ears so they won't be overly enticing to men. Yeah, that's what turns men on....ears.
I spent a couple of days in Istanbul, exploring on my own, which was the most enjoyable time of the trip. It is amazing that even though I can barely speak only English, I can order from restaurants, ask questions and get some sort of answers, and have fun. When I do have an interpreter with me who speaks Turkish, it seems the frustration level rises and there's debate and I don't have fun...perhaps just drifting along in ignorance is blissful.
Went to Star Wars III twice--once with some Turks who spoke about five languages each. There's a joke about all that:
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual
What to do you call someone who speaks only one language? American
Went to a Hammam (Turkish Bath) which was built in 1741 and it was the single most impressive architecture I have ever seen on any trip anywhere. It is listed on the NY Times List of Places Everybody Should Go Before They Die. I went twice so I can die somewhat happy now. I told the Australian (?) who owned the place that I may not ever go to a Turkish Bath again, so I wanted the Works--About 4 different massages, some bone crunching chiropractic work--the guy would not stop with my back until he heard it pop--I kept telling him my back was a silent popper and he just continued with the pulling and the jumping. I wish I could have thrown my voice and made a bone popping sound to get him off me.
But, you feel so clean and energized after a Turkish Bath, but the attendant’s smell reminded me of something but I couldn't place the smell until I went later to the Fish Market and ate at the seafood place I like and ordered the fried anchovies (heads, tails and everything fried and you eat like popcorn but it seems like Fried Minnows) and they brought the garlic sauce, and YES, That's It..the Turkish Bath attendant smelled like garlic sauce in a Fish Market. Exactly.
I wanted to badly to see the Domabache Palace, the summer home of the Sultans on the Bosphorous--it is directly across the narrow Bosphorous from their Other Season Palace, Topkapi but they made a huge move for the summer--taking a small fleet of boats to haul everything about 2 kilometers, then return in September.
The Dombache Palace has alabaster bathrooms and is where the former Dictator Ataturk died (he drank himself to death at age 57 and they have a flag over the bed where he died.)
But, I sure wanted to see alabaster bathrooms.
I went on Saturday morning about 10 a.m. I knew the palace was near the Futbol Stadium that David Cabe and I visited in March.
I knew that I was breaking my "No Historical Sites Today" Rule, but set out walking for the palace and I knew I was getting close. There was a box shaped palace looking building on my right and it had a security guard,
So I went in the security guard's station and they removed everything from my bag and looked into my camera and went through my wallet and checked my passport. Odd, for a palace tour. I just wanted to see the alabaster bathrooms.
Two guards got frisky with me during the hands on search and FINALLY, it was over and I was allowed through, and I asked how much was the admission, and was told "My friend, you are in the German Embassy. May we help you?"
They showed me the German Embassy Exit Door, which was nice but still, not alabaster.
On the street again and I was walking in circles, getting honked at, frustrated but not wanting to give up...Another tourist (German again) told me to just get into a taksi (taxi) and have the guy take me to the Domabache Palace so I hailed a cab.
"Are you sure you want me to take you to Domabache?"
"Yes, tea sugar."
"The Domabache"
"Yes, tea sugar or as we say in The English, Thank You"
He slammed the door, and sped away down a narrow alley and a woman through her dirty sink water out her back door and it splashed on my side of the cab.
He slammed his brakes after about 50 meters and I was in a parking lot and he said "Here we Are" and the fare was about 23 cents. He drove me the 50 meters to the Domabache Palace.
The line was too long to wait and see the alabaster bathrooms and I was embarrassed. So I returned the next day at opening time and there were about 4000 people already in line so I decided to buy the picture book of the Palace for 15 million lire and just lie and say I saw the alabaster bathrooms. Should have stuck to my No History Pledge.
But I ate at the Seafood Place I like in Istanbul a total of 5 times and took Smiley Fact Checker and Tardy Belle there and we drank beers and ate giant shrimp and the chef remembered me and sent us a gift of Whatever Was Swept Up from the floor Sampler Platter. We have become Traveling Friends and we promised to get together in North Carolina Soon.
The flight home was long and crowded and I was chastised by the flight attendant for having my headphones too loud. I told her that was the point of headphones--you could turn up the volume and it didn't disturb anyone--the people on my row and all around me said they couldn't hear the headphone music.
But the flight attendant said there was a man two rows over who complained. He was a dirty Turk and was deaf and loud and I told her that was an obvious Anti-American action and she was part of it. She agreed that he had only done that because I was American or that I because I was wearing a certain Turkish Soccer Team's shirt, he could have done it out of competitive mean-ness.
Later, the Dirty Complaining Turk, got into this loud argument with the young girl next to him because he had been asleep and she accidentally bumped him and woke him up and it was this huge seen of screaming. I pushed my call button and told the flight attendant that that man was loud and it was bothering me, but she didn't go chastise him. Anti-Americans.
First meal at home? Huge thick steak medium rare on the grill, marinated, served with corn on the cob and navy beans and ICED tea. Second Meal? Fried Eggs, Bacon and Strong Coffee. Third Meal? KFC chicken planks.
Big dilemma? What to eat next!
That's all for now about the trip. May have some wrap up email later. Need to get a blog site for all this journalizing. Photos are so great from Trip. I have a photo of Orange Crush and her Orange 18 Day In A Row Same Smelly Outfit that I may send you. Many young girls go missing in Istanbul and Diyarbikar and the tour guide told Orange Crush this and she still did not watch the kid, so I have no respect for the Orange Bad Parent and Child Abuser. No one from the trip even said Goodbye to her, but that's another story.
Here’s the thing Turkish Airlines have created the worlds hardest surface for their seats on their airliners Honestly at as revolutionary how hard these seats are I admittedly have no natural cushion so after an 11 hour flight which was delayed for two hours on the runway at O’Hare wafting for available runway space my bottom hurts
Missed my connecting flight from Istanbul to Ankara and had to try to book a later flight Everyone on the tour group got on this particular flight and they wearing boarding The ticket agent sad he could not book my ticket until I clamed my two pets an customs I told him I didn’t have two pets an Customs and he sad that Yes you do and ıt ıs an my computer
He kept delayıng me and I told him I had one pet Edna the Siamese and she doesn’t travel well and could he please give me a ticket He was insistent and sad maybe I was trying to desert my two pets an customs I was about ready to go and clam whatever darn pets they wanted me toö but then I told him I had to go to the bathroom and he asked if ıt was an urgency
I told him yesö gathered my paperwork and passport and snuck around the corner to book my flight with an attractive Turkish girl
What kind of pets are abandoned an Istanbul and ıs ıt turkey trickery to get someone to clam them?
Got to Ankara visited the Old Town Market Capital of Turkey 4 million
There was a demonstration for the rights of those women who wear scarves around their heads Apparently if a girl wants to wear a scarf she cannot go to college or work an public so they demonstrated (many girls who wear scarves go to America to college)ç It didn’t seem like the demonstration was doing much good except they did tie up traffic and were on the nightly news
Later I saw a Wedding Car The groom and bride were leaving the ceremony and their car was all decorated with paper streamers and flowers In Turkey there ıs a custom that you can stop a wedding car like that and demand money and the groom who doesn’t want to delay the honeymoon wall give the person money to let has car continue Well I saw a lot of young Turks throwing themselves on this car and the groom just sped up and they were slung to the gutter
Saw cliff cites today and wall see underground cites tomorrow one extreme to the other
Here ıs a composite of the fellow travelers
Tardy Belle ıs always late and was cussed by our Kurdish driver and trust me you don’t want to be cursed by a Kurd
Smiley Fact Checker ıs the guy who nods continuously during the tour guides lectures as if saying Yes Yes that ıs correct you may continue
Zany Sitcom Next Door Neighbor ıs the lady who pops her checking gum and cracks one liner wacky jokes like she would take Gingko tablets if she could remember to
Debby Downer the lady with negative news to report Food Bad Toilet Paper Rough Hot Cold you name if it is negative, she is giving the report.
GG for Greatest Generatıon Representative WW II vet best ticket ıs to sat by him at Breakfast and get great stores He was an charge of Campus Security at Duke for many years and has campus malfeasance and campus hıjınks stores
Orange Crush and Baby Crushette ıs a mother and her 8 year old daughter who only wear orange and only buy orange souvenirs
Happy Birthday Mom
More later We are an a remote area of turkey close to Syria I don’t think we wall cross border just get close enough to throw rocks and see if that gets me into trouble
have seen hunting tools that were dated 10,000 bc and cave art which ıs dated 7500 bc, Yesterday I visited a home that was 900 years old and spoke with the man whose family has owned this home for centuries.
We are in the Cappadochıa region of Turkey. The geological formations are incredible...almost unworldly. Conical shaped rock formations that the people have carved out for their homes.
We will visit an underground city today which housed over 20,000 Christians who were hiding from ...not sure about this...maybe the Romans? The city goes downwards 20 stories
I toured some Caravansaries yesterday which were old hotels on the Silk Road from Italy to China...about 700 years old or more...stables for their camels and rugged rooms for the guests...across the street was a toilet which was cleaned about 700 years ago
I had my fortune told by a coffee reader. I drank the Turkish coffee which tastes like worm dirt an a bait shop...the sludge that ıs left over an the cup ıs then turned over and the reader reads the markings left by the heavy coffee an the cup. My reader sad he saw two goats facing each other goat head to goat head and they both had question marks over them and he sad a rich and powerful woman would help me soon. I am looking for goats and rich women
Last night I was able to see for the first time a whirling dervish ceremony. The religious sect that get closer to God by whirling. It was a caravansary--the old hotels for the camel caravans--this one was built in 1249. Big huge stone structure with domes and courtyards on a hill
The dervishes hold one hand upward to symbolize receiving Gods love and the other hand downward to symbolize spreading Gods love to the world
Amazing that they whirled for about an hour and didn’t fall over or get sick.
I ventured out alone one night to go to a movies Saw Kingdom of Heaven and was worried about the subject matter once the movie started--its about the Crusades--Christians against the Muslims İ was obviously the only Christian an the packed theatre of Muslims and to make myself even more obvious İ wore a Sigma Chi t-shirt with a huge white cross and Norman Shield logo which were prominent in the movies İ kept slinking further down in my seat but everyone was really nice to me, maybe overly polite--they sensed my fear
İ think İ found the other İ on the keyboard--the other key makes boxes but has an undotted İ on ıt--two I s. one undotted
Toured great cities underground and carved into the cliffs with old frescoes which are defaced--all the artworks eyes are scratched out
What is it about the eyes and İs over here?
More laterThe other night in Antioch, İ walked around the ancient city after dinner and a young man probably about 20 approached me. Of course, you naturally get suspicious immediately and grab hold of your wallet when approached. But he asked if he could pleeze speak to me. He said he had taken an English class and rarely got a chance to practice since so few Americans visit his city.
He spoke in choppy English sort of like those old Saturday Night Live sketches about wild and crazy guys.
He had the word 'face' mixed up with the word 'behind' because he pointed at my face and said 'Your behind looks like Tom Cruise'. İ told him I get that a lot.
He said he should not tell me this but that he was Kurdish. He asked if he could still talk to me. İ have become a sympathizer with the Kurds, the nomadic tribe--the largest ethnic group in the world without a country. They have faced genocide in Iraq--many of the mass graves that Saddam's regime created held 300,000 Kurds. The Kurds İ have met are kind and friendly but İ guess every society has to have some group to look down upon and in this region; the Kurds have it aimed at them.
He said he loved the Britney Spears and liked to download the Britney Spears from the Computer and put the Britney Spears on his walls at home. İ told him İ understood she had married and was expecting a baby. He said his heart it was down the broke and urgency medical needed.
He said he wore the American jeans and showed me his obviously not American jeans but İ told him yes the American Jeans is the best.
He asked if İ knew the word 'assimilation' and İ remembered from my graduate sociology class that it is when you leave your culture and try to fit in with another.
He said he was trying the assimilation and would never speak Kurdish again. He said his dream was to have a job all day and then to go home to read good books. He said he wants to go to America to study at the University there.
I asked which University he knew about and he said 'The Oxford.'
Anyway, we spoke of different things and he told me how hard it was to get an education or a job since he was Kurdish so he thought the assimilation would be goodç I did not ask of his family because İ did not want to be awake all night with a heart-breaking story.
He asked finally What is Your Name and İ told him and he said I'm trying to think of what to say and then smiled and yelled 'Good to meet you' and ran off down the sidewalk
more later
İm in Sanliurfa which is on the Syrian and İraqi border. İ look like Lawrence of Arabia with the headdress to ward off this incredible heat. İt is their national holiday like our July 4th--so all the tourists come up and want to have their picture taken with me and my Larry of Arabia look.
Last night went to Mtç Nemrut, which is a mountain about half the size of Everest, and a king who thought he was God named Nemrut built a shrine to himself--huge statues of him shaking hands with Hercules and Zeus. Everyone made fun of him and that’s where we got the term 'Nimrod'. İ don't think İve used that term but its good to know its there if İ ever need it. Anywayö it was a 45 degree incline to climb about 3 kilometers and at that altitude İ was out of breath and almost out of religion.
Watched the sunset with a multitude of Turks....gorgeous colors of purple and orange on this magnificent mountain top shadowing the colossal statues of Zeus shaking hands with a Nimrod....Everyone applauded when the sun went down and İ did a high five to my God
Other notesŞ
I see storks flying overhead...they are huge creatures and doesn’t that mean someone is pregnantççç They nest in the power lines and their nest are as big as a lake cabin...
The big holiday is their republics anniversary May 19, 1919--lots of 19s--so İve seen marching bands, school children with the Turkish flags and today went to the Birthplace of Abraham--another cave--on a Friday the big Muslim worship day İ fit right in with my Arabian headdress. This is the equivalent to our Orlando without the rides or Mickey
Ate a steaming lunch of goat brain served in the goat head itself. Something to do once and only once in a lifetime. At was like an episode of Fear Factor without the prize money
Not sure of plans tomorrow but İ bet there is a cave involved somehow
More later--İts cheap to do Internet hereçççabout 35 cents an hour so that is the reason of the overloads
İ find the I key about 65% of the time now
The name sounds great. Mesopotamian--Meaning the Plain between two rivers. the Euphrates and the Tigris. But this is the worst place on Earth and that includes Waco. Texas.
The people have money and shiny new cars in their driveways but they don't take care of their children--only teaching them to beg from tourists. Parents do not want their children educated because then the child would know more and eventually want more out of life.
My automatic gag reflex is constant due to the smells. The beehive shaped mud houses that are Biblical--İ remember coloring them in Vacation Bible School--are used for goat and chicken houses. Awful place.
Update on the fellow travelers; (everyone is actually very nice and we all get along but since I gave you my first impression judgments. the damage is already done...)
Tardy Belle continues to be late on a regular basis--she would be on time if the whole universe would set clocks back ten minutes. İf she is on time. at the last minute she jumps up and runs somewhere as if the most important task is somewhere elseç
Zany sitcom neighbor says she will buy a Turkish carpet when she finds one that flies.
Smiley fact checker continues to verify information as it is given but not so much in the afternoons since I guess his neck gets sore
Greatest Generation really fought in Korea not WWİİ but he has the best stories and İ go to breakfast at 6 am to sit with him tell stories after infrastructure projects in the North Sea and how Harry Truman made us go to Vietnam--he helped Korea and set a precedent to make us help Vietnam--try to stay away from this topic--the man gets beside himself
Orange Crush and Baby crushette have worn the same clothes for 8 days straight So rank
İ mean this--they brought apparently one set of clothes--She is Turkish but lives in Huntsville TXç
Downer Debby says this trip isn’t as good as when she went to Greece in 1989.
İ sit in the back of the bus and eat walnuts or sleep. Have rose jelly for breakfast and molasses made from grapes--I smuggled Pop Tarts and instant oatmeal into the country too
more later. I am now in a town called Diyarbikar just north of the İraqi border and am staying in a converted Caravansary at was built in the 1200s as a rest stop for the camel caravans--built of large limestones raided from ancient tombs There is a great courtyard for meals around a fountain and the rooms are low ceilings scented with sandalwood
İm in a primitive internet cafe down the block and the teenagers here are intriqued with my fair skin and hair They are kind and keep bringing me hot tea--its about 110 degrees but the hot tea keeps coming... İ would rather have a Dairy Queen Dr. Pepper
Went to a Turkish Bath last night and the Kese (a blinding form of loofau treatment) so İm rare to the bone but at least clean. The attendant was the hairiest beast İve seen and he offered me some treatment like a Nair product to remove underarm hair but İ thought he should do the treatment on his back instead
İn this city it is surrounded by a great wall--second in the world after the China one and İ climbed it today to get a good look at the Tigris and the valley below--It looks like a green Backgammon table--lettuce fields. tomatoes wheat--what a difference water can make to this desert
Today was my Bad Luck Day--First one of my bags got left at the hotel and they wanted me to pay a cab driver to deliver it about 30 miles to us--it was not my fault since İ checked my bag with our driver so İ stood my ground and refused to payç They turned the bus around and we backtracked and retrieved itch
This afternoon at the hotel my bags were left on the bus--İm sure that’s part of my punishment from the driver--no tip for him from me
Then the room at the Caravansary has no AC and with temps over 100 degrees İ had to ask for another room at the Camel Inn--The front desk jabbered something at me and İ think it was to walk around town and when İ come back they will have a new room for me I sure hope that is what they said İ know that they pointed at the street and it may have been an indication for me to hit the road We'll see when İm finished here
All the kids are standing behind me as İ type this and smile and say Hallo! over and over İ asked one kid what other English he knew and he said 'Hallo Sexy Lady!) İ think his older brother taught him that once
Crossed a bridge today on foot that was built in 50 a.d. and was used even for vehicular traffic until 1992--the base stones were stolen from King Nimrod's tomb.
Many more stories to tell İm still looking for Noah’s Ark
During almost his entire life İ always thought that my Dad and İ were polar opposites--but in the years before his death and now almost three years since his death İ am finding that we were very much alike
Some of the most important lessons İ learned from Dad were ones while traveling. Such as:
1. Always steal the toilet paper when checking out of a hotel. This used to embarrass me when Dad would do this--here was a man who paid cash almost every year for a new Cadillac but would steal toilet paper from the hotels. Here in Eastern Turkey, toilet paper is probably worth more than the Turkish lira so I've been storing whatever is left over in my luggage upon checkout. Believe you me, this has been a godsend on this trip.
2. Beggars and Japanese tourists are just like fire ants--they can crawl all over you before you know it.
3. Dad's classic tourist comment was at the end of a long day in Rome, when he said "İ can't understand these people, my feet are swollen and my butt hurts--that is about the way İ feel right now.
4. Dad had a way of thumping watermelons with his thumb and listening, İ suppose, for a hollow sound--as the watermelon ripens, it must pull apart in the center and sound hollow when you thump it. İ could never tell the difference although he tried to teach me several times...a thump is a thump ıs a thump as far as İ was concerned. He also used to thump my red head the same way in Church when İ 'acted up' but then I digress...
So, I’m in the farmer's market in Diyarbuki and İ find myself thumping watermelons in this wooden cart and then the young man who owned the cart comes up and he's thumping watermelons with me but he actually knows what he's doing. This area is known for its bowling ball size watermelons with the overly juicy taste.
5. When traveling, never pass up a bathroom since ıt is all a new place to you and you never know when you'll have another chance...kind of applies to most things in life--opportunities and toilets have so much in common.
6. Dad was so irratated by the lack of ice in drinks in other countries--they say they think it is unhealthy but İ feel that they are just lazy....anyway I am so echoing Dad right now.
7. Dad had a theory when traveling to go and see everything you could when you went to a place--I always thought he just didn't want to be bothered by going there again. But I'm the same way on this trip--can't sit still until I think I've gotten all I can out of a place.
8. Dad noticed Birds and People's Yards more than he did all the cathedrals or historical places. İ remember seeing him in Venice feeding pigeons while the tour passed him by and went into a Cathedral
Anyway, İ miss Dad. I've traveled halfway around the world to find that he is still with me no matter where I go in so many ways.
Orange Crush and Baby Crushette are having the worst luck in their same clothes--now on day 12. Baby Crushette is 8 years old and she got ill and messed herself in her jeans on the back of the bus--yes she was in my seat when it happened. Mama Orange rinsed the jeans out in the toilet sink and put the damn things back on the child.
Later the same day, we were having dinner in a courtyard under a mulberry tree and a bird pooped all over Orange Crush's Orange shirt---Again. rinse and wear it again. They really smell gamely and I’ll show you photos of her Orange Nike shoes.
Went to a Turkish wedding reception as the guest of the groom's sister who spoke about 22 words of English. They send what looks like funeral sprays to weddings with good wishes on the ribbon banner. The groom seemed happy in his reception by the hotel pool--300 guests. great food and a band--but the much younger bride looked like her life was over rather than just beginning. I'll never forget her sad look of total despair on her wedding day.
For want of something to watch on TV here. I've become interested in soccer games--futbol--and the Super Bowl or whatever the hell they call it was played the other night between Galatasaray and Fennerbach and İ wanted Fennerbach to win because İ just happened to pack one of their futbol jerseys with on this trip. So Fennerbach won and I got noticed the next day--but İ was in a Galatasary Team Town so the notice was usually them yelling at me and showing me their fınger dexterity from a distance.
Just for your information. the international word for 'air conditioner' as in 'İ need you to fix my air condititıoner in this God forsaken hotel' is cumulous--you knowş like the clouds.
In a couple of days time İ have gone from a dry desert, wearing Arab headdress for protection from the elements to a mountain range as impressive as the American Rockies with an overnight at a lakeside resort surrounded by snowcapped peaks.
İ am at the base of Mt. Ararat in fact İ am looking at it from the internet cafe window İ never imagined it to be as massive, covered with ice and snow and so tall that the clouds block the view of the crest.
İ am only about 4 kilometers from the ran border and went to the border check and asked if they would stamp my passport and the soldiers told me that İ have to fly into Iraq to get a pass. they said the government supports the airlines
Traveled about 6 hours drive on an under construction gravel road and never saw anyone actually constructing.
Went through an area that had a volcanic eruption one million years ago and the lava rock spreads for miles and miles making the land totally unusable. at is desolate and spooky--green lichens have formed so you see this green mass of land that looks like a giant plowed his fields.
İn this area military checkpoints are common and all along the Iraqi border--the soldiers board with their machine guns and tell us they know America has a president named George bush and that turkey and America are close friends...thank you Jesus.
Visited a palace from the 1700s on top of a neighboring mountain of Ararat and the architecture. dungeon and harem rooms were interesting.
Stayed at a resort at Lake Van (pronounced One) and the town is known for the cats there. White shorthaired--the males have a left blue eye and a right gold eye--the females have a left gold eye and a right blue eye--think İ got that right.
İ find myself drifting from the travel guides lectures and trying to feed stray cats or seeing what bush is blooming or what is planted in a backyard garden or what needs rain or watching a swallow feed a nest of her babies. İ am becoming my Dad
Mehmet is a popular name here an fact İ have not met any male NOT named Mehmet--its a form of Mohammed I think--One Mehmet said his nickname was John. Go figure.
Some excursions are fruitless in that the tour guide takes me to see a site of something famous that is no longer there. İ am tired of going to see things that aren't there. İ am also tired of being tired. This is by far the most exhausting experience of my life--sort of like travelers boot camp.
knew it would happen this way. The battle lines have been drawn between Orange Crush and Everyone Else. İ was not the instigator on this one just the reporter.
Greatest Generation told me that if Orange Crush tells the story of her husband's adult circumcision he will vomit and he means it, he will absolutely vomit.
Smiley Fact Checker said that he is fed up with Orange Crush telling him that she is Half Turk. He said 'I get it and İ got it the first of the 800 times she has said it.'
Orange Crush goes to sleep on the bus and so that leaves the care taking of the 8 year old to the rest of us. İ already told you that she pooped her pants on my watch. The kid is 8 years old and is reading the newest to date Harry Potter book, which is about 970 pages. That alone creeps me out but her mother is reading the same book...only in Turkish...she's Half Turk...doncha knowççç
Tardy Belle said she is sick of Orange Crush talking to her husband Nİck (who is 275 pound Greek PhD Stanford teaches at Sam Houston) on the cell phone. The lady is so manic that sometimes she is like 'Oh sweetie lover honey babycakes' and then the conversation becomes 'What do you mean you paid 90 euro for that you %%/%Öç765** (İ can't even find cuss symbols on this damn keyboard) Honestly the most vulgar hateful smear words come out of her mouth into that cell phone on the bus, at dinner, in the Turkish bathroom stalls. Good report from Tardy Belle on the potty phone call.
Zany Sitcom neighbor said that Orange Crush told her she had lived in Huntsville for 15 years and did not have one person she could call a friend. Zany Sitcom Neighbor said maybe if she changed her clothes once in awhile that would change.
The kid has this pathetic magic trick with a rubber band and if the imp tries to corner me again with that waste of my life then İ swear she's going out the speeding bus and there is not one person on this trip who would testify against me.
Other funny thingsŞ
Every male in turkey serves in the military for 6 months as an enlisted and 12 months as an officer (they must have a short learning curve)ç The best looking and tallest men get selected for premier service like guarding the former dictator Ataturks grave...the chamber of commerce assignments... İ asked our guide Kansav what his assignment was and he said 'No Premier' assignment for him. He was part of a brigade in İstanbul who were charged with locating and detonating land mines...He said he was 'spendable.'
Don't eat mayo here. Without going into details, let’s just say that İ no longer have a stash of toilet paper.
İ gave our tour guide, Kansav, an Atomic Fireball cinnamon jawbreaker. İ told him it was cherry flavored. He said he liked the cherry.
İ went to the back of the bus.
Two minutes went by.
İ have never heard a grown man shriek but that's the only way to describe it. Kansav was shrieking. 'LAREEEE What have you done to me? Why MEEEEE LAREEEE??? Iz diz a JOKE to MEEEE'
His mouth was on fire.
Later he approached me and asked if that was a joke or did people really eat that? İ told him İ could ask him the same thing about all these Turkish Slop Buffets that he calls breakfast. Are they a joke or do people really eat this?
He said he would give one to his wife and tell her it was cherry. She like the cherry, too.
The Turkish language does not have a word like our 'the' so when a Turk (or anyone from this region of the world) learns English they discover the word 'the' and seem to like it. They put the 'the' in front of the everything.
Orange Crush keeps telling us that if a bird poops on your right shoulder, it is good luck in Turkey. Listen, İ am certain that getting crapped on is pretty much the international situation of bad luck.
Her cell phone rang at dinner tonight and it was a honey lover sweetness conversation. She is great as an interpreter at the drug store when Pepto Bismol is needed.
We climb Mt. Ararat tomorrow or at least as much as is allowed. The word ARARAT is Turkish for 'Pain' since it, they say, is the hardest mountain to climb. İ asked about Everest and am told by Turks that you can easily walk to the top of Everest, but not Ararat. Turks.
There really is an Apartied situation brewing here with the Kurds and the Turks--may be the reason the Turks are not fully approved for the EU.
We all discussed what meal we would have when we first get back home. Many wanted Papa John's pizza, some wanted a steak, others a hamburger--İ want bacon, crispy bacon.
Here is the name of the town İ am now in:
DoguBeyazit
Would you call it Dog Biscuit? Dog Big Zit?
Regards from the Name Which Cannot Be Pronounced
İ am now in Kars, which is Turkish for 'cold' and it is very cold and wet with large hail. İ opted out of an excursion to study the ruins of Ani, which was the capital of Armenia at one time and is now in Turkey. İnstead İ ate a cheeseburger (goat meat maybe/hope it wasn't dog) along with chips (fries) and Pepsi--Ordering my lunch was like speaking a long remembered foreign language.
at is a universal travel truth that if you don't go on an excursion, then someone obnoxious will come back from the day trip and tell you how marvelous it was.
Orange Crush went on and on about how much İ missed and everyone else said it was 3 hours in the mud, hail, and even dodging lightning bolts--not my idea of a marvelous afternoon.
Orange Crush yelled at me today. The tour guide was wanting to take me to a 'surprise' and İ kind of think it was a booby-dance girly bar-but Orange Crush blocked the deal by following and she yelled at us for trying to lose her. Did İ mention she doesn't bathe and will do that when she gets home. I have declared a silent war now. Yelling at me is not allowed.
We leave tomorrow at 5 a.m. for Ezurum and will see what is there and then on to İstanbul and these folks will probably not see me until we get to NYC. İ hope to see Star Wars, ride the trolley to the Spice Bazaar and do another Turkish Bath.
Many of the fellow travelers have Mohammed's revenge.
Mt. Ararat has no development and İ am looking for investors for a ski lodge there. There is no souvenir shops or Starbucks--only goats and goat people.
The town we stayed in at the Iranian border is known as a smuggler location and İ assumed they meant drugs. But İ saw a man with a box of obviously stolen Nikes and kids were trying on the shoes in the street and handing him Turkish lira.
Bought a Lance Armstrong yellow bracelet with Live Long in Turkish.
Some of the sites İ visited only have about 500 visitors a year. Istanbul has 1 million a day.
'Su' means water in Turkish and for a large Su you order the brand name 'FatSu'.
Thank you in Turkish sounds like saying 'tea sugar'.
The only American news we have is that Carrie won the American İdol. İs Michael Jackson locked up yet?
The only word that İ have found in Turkish that sounds, means and is somewhat spelled similarly to the English version ıs the word 'Ironık'. at is, isn't it?
Completed the tour of the Eastern and Southern part of Turkey yesterday. Traveled from the ski region full of great mountain ranges and lots of ice and snow to the Northern part of Turkey near the Black Sea. This area is more like East Texas, with tall pines and green hills and great streams with stone covered bottoms. All İ needed to feel like home was that produce sign outside of Lindale, Texas, that advertises 'Walamelons' for sale.
Got access to a monastery on a remote mountain housed in an 800 year old compound. at is a form of Christianity but has no formal name. The students are young monks who speak Aramıc--the language spoken by Jesus and used in Mel Gibson's 'The Passion'. Had them read me some Scripture and it really sounds like chicken clucks--kind of Old McDonald Had a Farm style.
Toured another school in Ezurum (a larger city in Northeastern Turkey) that was 1000 years old and the architecture has hidden faces throughout--scary goblins in the mortar work and columns. The tour guide called them 'DaVinci Codes' and İ laughed.
İ was the only one. No one in the group had ever heard of 'The DaVinci Code'. What kind of parallel universe do all these PhD's come from?
Flew from a military base in Ezurum (no photos pleeeeze) to İstanbul. Coming into this city of 20 million is like starting a new trip. Tremendous energy is found somewhere deep and the fatigue vanishes. David Cabe, who traveled with me in March and is the most apt describer of all things, sad that traveling in the rural areas of Turkey and then heading for İstanbul, is like touring the Amish Country and then going to Manhattan. So funny since Kansav, our great tour guide who doesn't like Atomic Fireball jawbreakers, told me on the flight 'We just left Pennsylvania Dutch and going to Times Square.'
Ate at the fish market that Cabe and İ grew to love in March--Jumbo shrimp big as a fist fried with no batter heads and all for about a minute and served with hot garlic sauce along with a plate of chips and fried calamari fresh from the Marmarus Sea washed down with two cold as ice Efes Turkish beers. İ believe this is served to the Angels in Heaven.
Saw the opening of Star Wars 3 in İstanbul last night. Again İ was the only English speaking person in the crowd and the movie is subtitled in Turkish. İgnore the language and the crowd could have been any American mall movie group on a given Friday night.
Teenagers on first dates--İ met a set of twin boys who were on the first dates with two high school girls and they giggled nervously. Several single dads with their sons on weekend visit outings. And a huge contingent of folks we would call 'nerds' back home--dressed in badly fitting unfashionable clothes, thick glasses and ,yes, pocket protectors with calculators.
İ've been to Starbucks this morning--it's near the McDonalds right past the 711 and the Pizza Hut. İ have to quit now before İ get emotional.
The Greatest Generation emeritus faculty member from Duke has been my favorite traveler. He said he wanted me to show him what these internet cafes were all about. What do you eat there, he wanted to know. İ told him they are just cubicles with computers hooked up to the internet--not places to munch food.
He asked if he made a list of his stock investments could İ help him see how they were doing. İ told to meet me in the lobby at 850 pm. İ got there a little early and he came about 845 pm and apologize for his lateness.
We walked in the rain in Kars to a seedy little joint on the 3rd floor of what appeared to be a speakeasy from the 1930s America. He was so lost and frightened it just about broke my heart. İ told him this was all easy and there was no way to make a mistake. He wanted me to sit next to him.
The keyboard made him sigh big and hard and İ explained all the trouble İ had with the İ key and all the other Turkish Delights and we got them all figured out. He made notes of his stock prices and was glad the market was up back home. İ tried to get him to print the report out but he acted as if that would be too much trouble so he made notes with a pencil he'd brought with him.
İ paid the 37 cents and he acted as if that was the most magnanimous gesture on my part and reported back to the group what a whiz kid I was on the computer.
We had been told that we were not to leave the hotel after dark due to the rough town we were in but from my balcony İ saw this dapper dresser with the military posture leave the hotel and cross the street to a hipomarkit (convenience store).
He came back to the hotel with an Efes beer and later with all the group watching, he presented the beer with a speech about me being a rare find--he said İ was intellectual punctuated with unabashed humor (his words). He said he had noticed on several occasions me enjoying this beverage (sounds like İm now a drunkard) and presented his 37-cent beer to me like it was a 100-year-old bottle of the worlds best champagne. Now that was a magnanimous gesture.
Zany Sitcom Neighbor fell on the rain-slicked sidewalk and it was like watching a silent movie. She did the drop and roll technique and she kept rolling with her feet straight up in the air every 180 degrees. Greatest Generation and Tardy Belle were chasing after her trying to put their feet on her coat to stop the movement. She got up and said all that hurt was her Pride. Why is it when someone falls, they don't check for physical damage, but check to see who saw them. You are at your worst when falling and no one wants anyone to see that.
Orange Crush is now the Alien. She asked Smiley Fact Checker if he was circumcızed (this woman is obsessed). İ exerted so much energy to stifle my laughter that İ honestly thought İ would be one of those rare instances you read about in National Enquirer about someone who spontaneously combusts and goes up in a blaze of fire.
İ looked at Greatest Generation and he had thrown up a little in his mouth he said.
İ sat with Kansav (think Can O'Salve) on the flight to İstanbul and learned more in those two hours that the entire 18 day trip. He told me that he was constantly telling Orange Crush to watch her kid--many kids are kidnapped and sold and well who knows what after that--but she ignored the kid. There was a time on the ferry that he thought the kid was going overboard but the mother didn't seem to care.
İ told him she has been saying he was a member of the Russian mafia and had lots of girlfriends and he laughed so hard. His favorite TV show is a Turkish version of the Sopranos and he had made some phone calls that day to tell his friends about the season finale--drug smuggling and beautiful women. She ease dropped on the calls and the grapevine began to grow.
Anyway; I've made a promise to myself to never step into another mosque--seen one seen 'em all--but İve seen about 1000 so my quota is maxed out.
Will not see, do, or think anything historical today. Deserve a break on the mental flossing.
Oh, İ may have already mentioned this, but İ wanted to find out about all this scarf wearing by the women here. Seems that they must hide their ears so they won't be overly enticing to men. Yeah, that's what turns men on....ears.
I spent a couple of days in Istanbul, exploring on my own, which was the most enjoyable time of the trip. It is amazing that even though I can barely speak only English, I can order from restaurants, ask questions and get some sort of answers, and have fun. When I do have an interpreter with me who speaks Turkish, it seems the frustration level rises and there's debate and I don't have fun...perhaps just drifting along in ignorance is blissful.
Went to Star Wars III twice--once with some Turks who spoke about five languages each. There's a joke about all that:
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual
What to do you call someone who speaks only one language? American
Went to a Hammam (Turkish Bath) which was built in 1741 and it was the single most impressive architecture I have ever seen on any trip anywhere. It is listed on the NY Times List of Places Everybody Should Go Before They Die. I went twice so I can die somewhat happy now. I told the Australian (?) who owned the place that I may not ever go to a Turkish Bath again, so I wanted the Works--About 4 different massages, some bone crunching chiropractic work--the guy would not stop with my back until he heard it pop--I kept telling him my back was a silent popper and he just continued with the pulling and the jumping. I wish I could have thrown my voice and made a bone popping sound to get him off me.
But, you feel so clean and energized after a Turkish Bath, but the attendant’s smell reminded me of something but I couldn't place the smell until I went later to the Fish Market and ate at the seafood place I like and ordered the fried anchovies (heads, tails and everything fried and you eat like popcorn but it seems like Fried Minnows) and they brought the garlic sauce, and YES, That's It..the Turkish Bath attendant smelled like garlic sauce in a Fish Market. Exactly.
I wanted to badly to see the Domabache Palace, the summer home of the Sultans on the Bosphorous--it is directly across the narrow Bosphorous from their Other Season Palace, Topkapi but they made a huge move for the summer--taking a small fleet of boats to haul everything about 2 kilometers, then return in September.
The Dombache Palace has alabaster bathrooms and is where the former Dictator Ataturk died (he drank himself to death at age 57 and they have a flag over the bed where he died.)
But, I sure wanted to see alabaster bathrooms.
I went on Saturday morning about 10 a.m. I knew the palace was near the Futbol Stadium that David Cabe and I visited in March.
I knew that I was breaking my "No Historical Sites Today" Rule, but set out walking for the palace and I knew I was getting close. There was a box shaped palace looking building on my right and it had a security guard,
So I went in the security guard's station and they removed everything from my bag and looked into my camera and went through my wallet and checked my passport. Odd, for a palace tour. I just wanted to see the alabaster bathrooms.
Two guards got frisky with me during the hands on search and FINALLY, it was over and I was allowed through, and I asked how much was the admission, and was told "My friend, you are in the German Embassy. May we help you?"
They showed me the German Embassy Exit Door, which was nice but still, not alabaster.
On the street again and I was walking in circles, getting honked at, frustrated but not wanting to give up...Another tourist (German again) told me to just get into a taksi (taxi) and have the guy take me to the Domabache Palace so I hailed a cab.
"Are you sure you want me to take you to Domabache?"
"Yes, tea sugar."
"The Domabache"
"Yes, tea sugar or as we say in The English, Thank You"
He slammed the door, and sped away down a narrow alley and a woman through her dirty sink water out her back door and it splashed on my side of the cab.
He slammed his brakes after about 50 meters and I was in a parking lot and he said "Here we Are" and the fare was about 23 cents. He drove me the 50 meters to the Domabache Palace.
The line was too long to wait and see the alabaster bathrooms and I was embarrassed. So I returned the next day at opening time and there were about 4000 people already in line so I decided to buy the picture book of the Palace for 15 million lire and just lie and say I saw the alabaster bathrooms. Should have stuck to my No History Pledge.
But I ate at the Seafood Place I like in Istanbul a total of 5 times and took Smiley Fact Checker and Tardy Belle there and we drank beers and ate giant shrimp and the chef remembered me and sent us a gift of Whatever Was Swept Up from the floor Sampler Platter. We have become Traveling Friends and we promised to get together in North Carolina Soon.
The flight home was long and crowded and I was chastised by the flight attendant for having my headphones too loud. I told her that was the point of headphones--you could turn up the volume and it didn't disturb anyone--the people on my row and all around me said they couldn't hear the headphone music.
But the flight attendant said there was a man two rows over who complained. He was a dirty Turk and was deaf and loud and I told her that was an obvious Anti-American action and she was part of it. She agreed that he had only done that because I was American or that I because I was wearing a certain Turkish Soccer Team's shirt, he could have done it out of competitive mean-ness.
Later, the Dirty Complaining Turk, got into this loud argument with the young girl next to him because he had been asleep and she accidentally bumped him and woke him up and it was this huge seen of screaming. I pushed my call button and told the flight attendant that that man was loud and it was bothering me, but she didn't go chastise him. Anti-Americans.
First meal at home? Huge thick steak medium rare on the grill, marinated, served with corn on the cob and navy beans and ICED tea. Second Meal? Fried Eggs, Bacon and Strong Coffee. Third Meal? KFC chicken planks.
Big dilemma? What to eat next!
That's all for now about the trip. May have some wrap up email later. Need to get a blog site for all this journalizing. Photos are so great from Trip. I have a photo of Orange Crush and her Orange 18 Day In A Row Same Smelly Outfit that I may send you. Many young girls go missing in Istanbul and Diyarbikar and the tour guide told Orange Crush this and she still did not watch the kid, so I have no respect for the Orange Bad Parent and Child Abuser. No one from the trip even said Goodbye to her, but that's another story.
Comments
Post a Comment