Travel the World: When to Splurge. When to Scrimp, And How to Return Safely to Home Sweet Home Here in Tyler!

Egyptian Travel Blog 

Left Tyler at 5:30 A.M. Thanksgiving Day and arrived here in Cairo Friday night at 8:30 p.m. It is their three-day Festival of Feast which means they all stay home and eat--which is great for me since now there is no traffic. They do a Black Friday kind of deal, but it is for grocery stores only.

We are on the west bank of the Nile which is Giza and the other side of the Nile is Cairo, but the names are used both ways. 

What I saw of the new Cairo Heliopolis is beautiful; Mubarak’s home is heavily secured; they haven't had a war since 1973 and that was with Israel. Everyone is formal and friendly and I'm looking for their soccer shirt--war almost broke out with one country and |Egypt over a soccer game recently so I think it would behoove me to wear their national team shirt.

Will climb pyramids tomorrow (Giza) and of course the ever-present open market, medina, stinky sales market which you know I will be sanitizing my hands continually.

More later. 

First, this country has some things mixed up.  Upper Egypt is the southern part of the country and Lower Egypt is the northern part.  Isn't that odd:  all because the Nile flows south to north.

At the Egyptian Museum in Cairo, I was the only one in our group (fun bunch of folks by the way), who wanted to see the Mummy Room.  I chose Human Mummies, not the Animal Mummies (that would be sad).  But the human mummies were eerily intriguing and there were about 25 poor souls with their teeth bared and fingernails all polished--these are 3500 years old and you could tell the fingernail polish color.  Sadly, many died from bad teeth which upon close observation one could tell that were obviously the cause of death. 

Rooms and rooms of King Tut stuff which has been my research area with James Patterson's Murder of King Tut and books about Carter, the Brit who discovered the tomb in 1922 or so.

Anything dated A.D. is considered 'modern' or 'new' here.

Some said that Jesus as a child here practiced sorcery and turned his childhood friends into pigs.  (I swear that happened in Harry Potter and they are just blaming little toddler Jesus.)

I forgot my razor and called the front desk and asked them if they had a razor.  They said they would send someone up with one right away.  A very formal bell hop knocked on the door with a silver tray holding a pair of SCISSORS.  Guess it got lost in translation but my beard isn't that long.

To enter the hotel grounds, the bomb sniffing dogs and the guards with long handled mirrors check under the bus.  We have two-armed security guards with us always.

Bought three soccer shirts for National Team of Egypt but there are some major difficulties since they have already been eliminated from World Cup.  I get good deals when I wear my shirt and they said it is good America is taking notice of the unfair referees from Libya.  Yes, I said, it was a national concern in America.

Saw three great pyramids, the Sphinx (which is in a developed area--always thought it was in a desolate area but Pizza Hut and KFC are across the street), Souk--the open-air market where the shopkeepers come at you like paparazzi all over Britney Spears--you know back when she mattered.

To Memphis tomorrow.  Monday, my flight to Luxor is at 3:15 a.m. and my flight home leaves at 4 a.m.  What is their deal with freakishly early flight times?

Falling head first off, the spiraling staircase off the bus = black + blue knee

Woman dropping her luggage on my bad leg = scraped skin with blood loss from knee to ankle

Being run over by a car 19 years ago = swollen ankle, seven surgeries and complete dependency on a cane

Eating dinner with Egyptian family from same bowl and one passed around spoon = Antibiotics + Imodium + Pep to Bismol

Having some things to complain about? = PRICELESS

Flew to Luxor; up at 1:30 a.m. for 3 a.m. flight; bed at 5:30 p.m. previous night; Luxor is great with wonderful Luxor outdoor museum comparable to Ephesus. 

Coptic Christians and Muslim are only worried about inter faith relationships (fathers don't want their daughters to date outside religion).

At Cairo airport, NO security.  Give a guy a dollar and your luggage which is obviously over the weight limit lets it go.  People walking through security drinking water from water bottles.  Gave a guy a dollar so I didn't have to talk off shoes, belt or really go through any kind of scanning--he just walked me to the gate.  Heck, I could have taken a 10 gallon can of gasoline and a lighter on board for all he cared.

On cruise ship.  Nice.  Got bumped up to top level for no charge.  We are at port tonight but leave mid day tomorrow.  Thinking of going to the Mummification Museum--they have lots on exhibit and the tools they used to take out the brains and insert linen.  Good story to tell afterwards, huh?

So, at Memphis, there was no barbecue or Beale Street Blues.
Here at Luxor, no slot machines or showgirls.
Today, we are headed to Karnack, which I've always known as a blinking-light Dairy Queen town in East Texas.

Went to the Mummification Museum and it was gory, splendidly gory.  The tools to extract the brain through the nostrils were on display along with Ramses II, cats, baby alligators, and ducks.  Many details but you'll have to ask in person.

Luxor Museum was incredible with works of art dating back almost 4000 years.

Walking back last night with some others, I got caught up in what I thought was a wedding; beautiful bride, men in tuxes, hollering like nobody's business and all being videotaped and I was like Forrest Gump in my shorts and drinking a Stella (their country's national beer), looking like a hick from the sticks.  Here was their important moment in life and this loser tourist's head is in all the video.  Felt bad, but then discovered they were filming a TV commercial, so don't you know I'll be the dunce in the goofy commercial in Egypt now that they all make fun of.  I was stupid looking with my head peeking into the camera lens.

All is going well.  Lots of nice people.  Long conversation with an ICU Neurology specialist from NYC about brain tumors and my Dad's cancer and certainly she confirmed the treatment in Tyler was the same they would have done in Manhattan.  She said there is no scientific reasoning, genetic causes, or exposure causes to explain brain cancer.  She said, and I think this may been to give my family comfort, that people with brain cancer are usually caring, highly intelligent, and light-hearted individuals.  She said there was a study to prove that, but I think her words were just a nice person making someone feel better.

Hot air balloon over the Nile at sunrise tomorrow?  Should I or will my injury streak continue.  I don't want to fall out.  More later.

We toured the open-air museum of Karnack which is the largest constructed site from the ancient world with 134 giant columns all carved like lotus plants and papyrus plants.  Amazing that they did this work without power tools or cranes.  They claim to have made mud piles on the sides to push the magnificent blocks (each weight the equivalent of 200 cars) to put them on place. Yeah, I am not convinced that mud could hold that weight. I still think people (probably Texas Aggies) from the future traveled back in time for this construction contract.  

It's amazing.  The food is incredible. We are on the Nile and just went through a lock on the River which I didn't know existed--different levels of the Nile?    Who knew?

Anyway, the vendors are pests, just like Dad used to say, as irritating as fire ants.  They are all about the hassle and I learned the word "no" is "la" as in "la la" is "no no” They tried to teach me the 'thank you" as in "no thank you" but gosh, that's irreverent.  So, I just say "la la" in a tone and they say, "how you know 'la'?"

Anyway, we are having an amazing trip.  We leave on some discovery excursion tomorrow at 6:45 a.m. but I have absolutely no idea where we are going.  Truly.  I know the day after tomorrow is Abu Simpel (Google it--I'm interested in that site the most.)

Is it the East Nile or the West Nile Virus?  I was bitten by a mosquito on the East Bank, so I'm safe, right?  Itches like the dickens but it's the East Nile that is a killer, right?

Why did they worship crocodiles?  Lots of gold and precious stone inlaid in crocodiles.  Sure, people were not starving when all the country's assets and taxes were tied up in decorating temples and crocodiles? 

Had to purchase one of those long dresses the men wear for a party tonight from a vendor alongside the ship in a tiny boat.  He'd throw me a dress and I'd throw him some money, then he would throw me something else and I'd throw it back to him.  Over and Over.  Got sick of it and I threw the last two things in the Nile and that stopped that nonsense right quick.

Traffic jam at the Nile's lock system. We've been in line five hours and no movement. 

Got a recipe book for Egyptian food which is not bad after all.  If you have your own spoon, meals work out just fine.

Saw how papyrus is made but the paintings on them looked like Elvis on Velvet.

Winter Palace in Luxor. Now, that's the show.  Best place I've entered. They knew the term "ATM" and "Internet".

Coptic means Egyptian but has come to mean Christian, no matter what type of Christianity.  Saw a Presbyterian Church being bulldozed yesterday. Either they went under or they are building elsewhere.

Temples, Temples, Temples.  Saturated with Temples.  Skipped today's trip to a Greek Temple.  Didn't see the relevance.  But, you know the thousands of years with this civilization and Alexander the Great came in and took it all away.  One leader can change thousands of years' history

The people are friendly and courteous and overly formal.   The food is great--especially this milk/bread pudding/cake.  Lots of lamb and I've been living on bean and various kinds of veggies, no tomatoes or lettuce.

Best time?  Just a few minutes ago, sitting on the top deck by myself with the full moon over the Nile and a cool breeze.  Quiet.  Both sides of the Nile look like botanical gardens.   Lush, green, Palm and Date Trees, but just a beautiful untamed garden.  Love it.

We will go to Abu Simpel tomorrow which has been my highest expectation.

Took the day as an alone day.  Went exploring by myself at 7 a.m., a guy went to get the Internet owner to open the Internet cafe for me.  Was able to nap.  Getting a full body massage with essential oils and, yep, a face mask--think this will help with the full body sanitization.

Feel great. Trip, no a journey, of a lifetime

Today was one of the best days of my life.  I did see the wonderful site of Abu Simpel, which is the tomb of Ramses II (he thought way too highly of himself) and adjacent to his tomb is the tomb of Nefertiti (very feminine in design and art throughout).  The Aswan Dam flooded the site, so they had to move it about the water line.  Many of these sites have been reconstructed from piles of rocks and somehow put together like jigsaw puzzles.

I have wanted to see this site and it was one of my life's best experiences.  We had to take a 4 a.m. flight domestic Egyptian Air.  Before taking off the pilot, rather than give emergency demonstration from the crew, said simply "you know what to do. We will now take off."

Aswan is modern and contemporary.  I just happened along and found a Lutheran church, mission, hospital and 'guest house'--thinking the guest house must be for the homeless.  There was a Christian bookstore next door and I found some rosaries for my Catholic friends.

I am wearing Abu Tracheotomy (sounds like) soccer shirt.  He is greatest player in Egypt but broke his ankle.  All the locals go crazy when they see me and sing some song "Abu Tracheotomy Alalla Abu Tracheotomy...."  I get great service everywhere and the housekeepers make my towels look like alligators or swans and give me extra everything. 

Warm here.  Is it snowing in Texas? 

Had an Egyptian Massage and I am a new man.  Incredible and feel so good after walking all the temple ruins and lugging luggage everywhere.

I have no idea what day it is.  None whatsoever.  Now, that's a successful vacation

There was a costume party on the ship tonight and I went as Ramses II.  He was known to think very highly (maybe too much) of himself. I had flowing robes (yes, with underwear) and a gold head piece with a cobra's head in front. I will be wearing to work first day back.

I have Temple-itis.  Too much of marvelous things make them diminish after awhile. Tomorrow is rest day. I had a second massage (man, that guy almost punches you but cracks and pops every knuckle and joint).  I guess they have a buy two get one free since he said tomorrow's massage is on the house.

Went back to the Coptic area and a Lutheran Church Mission Hospital by myself. They have 2000 in patients and 20,000 outpatients every year.  They have a bookstore next door and I got some Coptic crosses and Bibles.  I saw many Constantine's Norman Shield Crosses in the temples he took over and for the Sigma Chi's you know how much that meant to me.

The Egyptians are mad because gas is $1.50-gallon, double what it was two years ago.

The tour guide begins every sentence with "If I may say"....

Cataracts are natural rock formations that slow the flow of the Nile and create waterfalls.

There are about 600 cruise ships on the Nile--we are crowded.

Only 1% of the land in Egypt is inhabitable--lots of sand and rocks.

The tour guide's sister's name is Nancy since his father loved Ronald Reagan and named his daughter Nancy Reagan Getaway.

More to follow.

We are sailing north which is downstream, went through the locks with about four inches from our ship to the tall rock walls.  Stopped at two dangerous locations and I had to get police with machine guns to escort me to Internet Cafes due to hassles and almost an assault from a carriage driver.  They treat the horses horribly and it is a shame and embarrassment to this country.  But, a machine gun toting bodyguard, who waiting until I finished the Internet business and escorted me (in two places) was great--he would not accept a tip either.

I think I made my mistake by going out in full costume complete with cobra crown late at night.  Guess I was an easy target.

Will see Valley of the Kings including Tut’s Tomb tomorrow.  Then to an all-inclusive resort on the Red Sea.  Already thinking about the martini, I plan to order upon arrival.

To leave clothes for the housekeepers, I had to write a letter to the manager of the ship and tell him that I was giving permission for the employees to have my clothes.  Otherwise they would be charged with theft.  They do something funny in the room every time they make it up, like making the towels look like flowers or alligators. Last night, they took my soccer shirt from Abu Traka number 22 and put it on a towel, made a face with the bandana that I always wear and my reading glasses, holding the remote with the Egyptian flag behind him--and the neck pillow I use.  Very funny.

Third massage was great.  Sure, like that--wish it were daily therapy. 

The crew is all male and tonight there is a belly dancer show so I'm hoping they bring some girls on board. 

Travel etiquette is to never ask my religion, my politics or how much I paid for an item. This group is crossing the lines with no invitation.  We call one couple "The Price is Right" since they always want to know price and then try to 'up' everyone by telling them they saw it cheaper somewhere else. 

The Nile is blue green--always thought it would be brown.

Food is so rich.  Crepes with chocolate sauce for breakfast.  Nice.  Real Nice.

Several of our group is from Baytown and some folks back home emailed them pictures of a three-inch snow there.  Is that a joke?

Back at Luxor on the Nile and the sunset is ablaze.  Only word to describe it.  Lots of action here with the President in town for the opening of a youth hotel.  The guy has been president since Sadat was assassinated in 1981.   He's well into his 80's but all the pictures show him as a 25-year-old bodybuilder with far out sunglasses on. He must not be well-loved.  There is a line of soldiers for about 3 kilometers around the Winter Palace.  They moved all our boats downriver and even moved all the benches along the street.  We could not go street side all afternoon and Internet was shut down.  (Me go crazy).

This morning I full-filled a 30-year dream--to visit King Tut's Tomb; saw his mummy face and feet (not doing so well) and the tomb is the smallest in the 64 tombs of Valley of the Kings.  They only rotate about 6 or so open and I was able to view 3 and King Tut.  The colors are vibrant, and they promised us they have not been retouched, even though they date to 3500 years ago.  The artists used paints from stone dust.  Have lasted all this time, brilliantly bright, not dulled at all.

Valley of the Queens (two tombs) and Palace Tomb of Queen Something Suit.  (Saw her mummy in Cairo and she was a large, large woman, but her tomb is amazing and in the side of a cliff with multitudes of columns made from the surrounding stone.

No more temples unless I go to the light show tonight.  No more tombs--had a huge appetite by the way, going into graves makes me hungry.  Odd. 

Tomorrow to a Red Sea Hilton Resort, a desert safari next day, and home the next.  Now, how can I figure out a way to get bumped so that I can stay a night in Amsterdam rather than four hours?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hussein_Fahmy

Wherever I go I am told I look like this Egyptian actor, but I googled him and, geez, is that what I look like.  He is well loved, and I am greeted warmly.  I have also had many conversations about Algerian's soccer team, who the Egyptians hope America will beat in the World Cup series.  I can't use the language, but they are adamant that America helps Egyptian destroy the Algerians who I am told had their fans bring knives to the game to threaten the Egyptians players.  The dirty pigs in Algeria.

All quiet on the Red Sea front.  Sparkling blue, words cannot describe its beauty.  Camels on the beach.  Gorgeous coral and white sand.  We are told chariots were found on the bottom of the Red Sea and they were dated to the time of Moses. 

Great resort.  Lots of Russians in Speedos--that material is magical that it holds together with a 400-pound Russian straining it.  Amazing thread that holds no matter the test of weight.

Sam the tour guide is hilarious.  "The Egytians used an oil lamp, if I may say..."

There was a party at the bar last night and it was horribly sexist with a contest for best lap dance.  All Russian women contestants wearing five-inch heels.  It was a contest of the Best Skank.

I have traveled to about 100+ countries and being completely Obsessed Compulsive Disordered, I must do the same things in every country:  buy their soccer shirt, drink their most popular beer, and go to a movie.  I try to see American films with local subtitles. 

Here's the funny part.  Just about every movie I have seen has Bruce Willis in it.  And, I think the world is divided into two groups:  those who like Tom Cruise and those who like Bruce Willis (this research is based on taxi cab driver conversations).  I hate Tom Cruise.  But, I think Bruce Willis should win an Oscar every year even if he is not in a movie that year.  Just like him since Moonlighting TV show years ago.

Saw awful "Surrogates" with Bruce Willis today in Egyptian movie theatre.  They are very formal, I was the only one at the matinee, but had to sit where the cinema employee showed me where to sit.  And, they kept me in a holding area until the exact moment the movie began, and they came and asked me if the volume was satisfactory.  I felt so bad, because the movie was tragically awful, and I left after 30 minutes and went to the Egyptian equivalent of Wal Mart (notice how I go back to America before actually arriving?)

Soccer shirt -- check

Beer -- check

Bruce Willis movie -- check

Time to go home.